


After the War

by LucreziaLouisa1986



Category: War Horse (2011)
Genre: Multi, World War I
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-02
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-01-17 22:09:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1404271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LucreziaLouisa1986/pseuds/LucreziaLouisa1986
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On 4th August 1914 none of them truly realized that soon the world was going to be torn apart, altering who they are forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. On the idle hill of summer

1920

His hands were trembling slightly as he reaches out and takes the framed black and white photograph off the fireplace. Staring down at the three young, smiling faces in the photo, he thinks that although it was only taken six years ago, it is now a picture that represents a different world and life. He had been young then-they had all been young then-he thought as he looked down at the three young men dressed in cricket whites, wondering if he or any of them truly realized that their world was about to torn apart. Did any of them suspect that the news they were about to receive as the light on the camera flashed, would alter forever everything they thought they were as men? 

1914  
‘Have you told him yet,’ greeted Charlie, swinging the cricket bat he was carrying as he spoke, facing down an invisible bowler and blocking an equally invisible wicket.  
‘No, I thought I’d wait until he was being called up to bat,’ replied Jim, his words slightly muffled by the pencil he had clasped between his teeth as with his hands and eyes he continued to work on his sketch of the place the King’s Cavalry regiment currently called home, ‘besides I think he has other things on his mind today rather than simply beating B Company at cricket,’  
‘Well quite,’ said Charlie quietly as he was reminded of events that were currently erupting across Europe, 'is there any news from London?'  
'Not yet,' sighed Jim, taking the pencil out of his mouth and resting it behind his ear as his mind wandered to the turmoil of Europe that was at any moment threatening to bring Britain and the Empire into its folds, 'but Jamie reckons it could be any moment now,'  
'Well that's good news for us then,' replied Charlie, the cheer once again in his voice as he joined his friend in surveying the magnificent barracks, which was surrounded by an equally glorious English countryside, 'take them by surprise and have that wretched mess sorted out by Christmas,'  
'Do you really believe that?' said Jim once again with a heavy sigh as his eyes and hands returned to his drawing, only he found that his heart was no longer in it, 'do you know the power of the German war machine, Charlie?'  
'You know Captain Nicholls,' laughed Charlie, reacting the only way he knew how to with his friend's deep ponderings, 'for someone who has climbed so high within His Majesty's Army and not to mention the son of the most powerful man in Whitehall, it is surprising you are still here with that attitude, let alone being made captain of the cricket team,'  
'That’s because I am the best cricketer in regiment,' said Jim, snapping shut his notebook, his face showing a smile as he once again he looked up at his friend, 'and today I have to make sure our men beat B Company,'  
'Given the debacle that was last year’s show, if you can pull a victory out of bag they'll probably make you Field Marshall,'  
'Now there's a thought,' Jim continued to smile as he climbed to his feet, 'come on, we better make our way back. People will be arriving soon and I do not think Jamie will be too happy if we leave him alone to greet his family,'  
'Especially as I am sure little Eugenie will be driving him to the brink of madness with her endless questions, demanding to know why her darling Jimmy is not there to greet her!' chuckled Charlie as he followed Jim back toward the barracks, ‘I wager she’s wearing her best dress just for you too,’  
****  
'I thought you two had deserted,' muttered Jamie, greeting them in that army officer's drawl of his that he had narrowed down to perfection over the years, as his two friends came into view, 'the Colonel was starting to think he have no cricket match to dazzle the ladies with,'  
'It is funny you should mention that old chap,' smiled Jim with a lopsided grin, 'bad news on the cricket front, Lieutenant Briggs has twisted his ankle, which means we’re a player down and will need...'  
'No Jim,' replied Jamie, his voice even sharper and firmer, 'absolutely not! You will have to find someone else,'  
'But there is no one else,' interrupted Charlie with a laugh, slapping his friend on the back, 'that's why we’re being forced to ask you,'  
'And I am telling you both no,' said Jamie, his eyes narrowing slightly, 'do not make me pull rank on you two,'  
'Would never dream of it, Major Stewart,' laughed Charlie, never understanding Jamie seriousness for he had not been that way when they had first met at Sandhurst, 'I just think that as we are soon going to be posted to France...'  
'If we are posted to France,' Jim interrupted this time as he waved his hand in the direction of where a group of finely polished motorcars that were currently being parked, 'Charlie, I say isn't that your mother and sisters arriving?'  
Through the glistening late morning sun, Charlie turned to look in the same direction as Jim and saw a familiar figure dressed in dark navy emerge from the motorcar, followed by identical twin girls dressed in equally identically pink with matching pigtails.  
'Oh I told her not to bring Effy and Connie,' Charlie sighed with a shake of the head as he started to walk over to the frantically waving lady, 'not after the trouble they caused last year,'  
'I'm sure they will be perfectly behaved,' Jim continued with a grin as he witnessed Effy pull hard on Connie's pigtails, only to find her sister retaliated with a kick in the shin, 'and besides, you can hardly smell the vomit in the Mess anymore...come on Jamie, Charlie is right though, the men need you and more importantly I need you,'  
'I know but,' Jamie stopped briefly as he spoke in a soft voice, which Jim had come to realise his friend only used in moments of weakness, 'I cannot let the men I will lead across Europe down,'  
'What makes you think you would do such a thing,' replied Jim sympathetically as he came to stand closer to him, 'you know the men would follow you to Hell and back,'  
'They might not be so keen to follow me into battle once they see how appalling their Major is at cricket!' sighed Jamie as his eyes caught sight of a familiar car coming down the drive, 'oh damn hellfires Jim, why cannot be rugby?!'  
'Because its an August bank holiday, not some wet weekend in January,' laughed Jim, rolling his eyes towards the Sun, 'and anyway, I am no good at rugby,'  
'You would be if you didn't bring down the scrum in every match,' said Jamie, turning away from the familiar black Rolls Royce to look at his friend, his face starting to show some of its usual confidence.  
'Its a matter of self-preservation my dear fellow. My mother once said that my ears are my best feature,' Jim continued to laugh as he tried to block Jamie's view to the parked cars, 'but seriously though I need you out there beside me as none can command the respect of the men the way you do. Besides, I'll put you into bat alongside me,'  
'If needs must,' muttered Jamie seriously, raising an eyebrow, 'and do not worry Captain Nicholls, if the worse should happen, I will take full responsibly for our defeat,'  
'I wouldn't expect anything less of bravest Major in the King's Cavalry,' laughed Jim, but as the sun went behind one of the few clouds in the sky, causing a shadow to fall briefly on his back, Jim felt a chill run through him, 'any news? Will we be going in by the weekend as Charlie thinks?'  
'Still no news but its only a matter of time the Colonel thinks and I have to say I'm incline to agree with him,' said Jamie, once again the professional soldier, 'have you spoken to your father recently? He'd probably knows more than any of us what the King and government are planning to do about the rumblings across the Channel. Is he coming today?'  
'I haven't heard from him in weeks,' sighted Jim, still feeling the shadow on his back, 'he's too busy planning the war to end all wars and Lily is too far gone to travel. Besides he would have my guts for garters if he knew we were still carrying on with the cricket match today and the ball later, when the future of the Empire is at stake,'  
'And I have to say I quite agree with your father, Captain Nicholls,' interrupted the strong, cold voice of Lady Stewart as her black dressed figure appeared beside them, 'I must say Jamie, that I am deeply disappointed that you did not think to cancel today. Both Donald and Richard have had their leave cancelled and have been told to prepare to leave for France. Even Guy has been put on standby with the fleet and yet you and your friends are still insisting on playing silly games. Honestly what would your father say if he was alive to see this?'  
'He say the same as the Colonel, that even the best of soldiers deserve some fun, mother,' replied Jamie, his tone just as stoic as her's as he kissed her on the pre-offered cheek, 'it's good to see you, mother, and good of you to come,'  
'In the absence of your father, someone has to make sure some discipline is kept,' Lady Stewart said as her eyes darted in the direction of Charlie who was trying to separate his warring sisters as their poor mother looked on with despair, 'especially if you are going to insist that its a case of on with the dance,'  
'Of course mother,' said Jamie quietly, ‘on with the dance,’  
'Oh I’m fed up with everyone talking about this silly war,' cried Eugenie, Lady Stewart's niece and ward, in that exaggerated manner of teenagers as she joined to group, her feet hard on the ground and her arms flapping manically in the air, 'why is everyone getting so excited about this silly thing anyway?! Who cares what the Germans do as it has nothing to do with us?!'  
'Because it has everything to do with us, girl,' replied Lady Stewart, turning on her deceased brother's child with a despairing and disapproving look, 'ever act of aggression is an act against us! Honestly girl, if you want to be a soldier's wife, you will need to remember such things, is that not right Captain Nicholls?'  
'Well...,' started Jim, shifting from one foot to another as Eugenie went to stand closer to him, her bright brown eyes trying to gaze into his blue and also aware that Lady Stewart's hard gaze was examining him intently.  
'Mother,' interrupted Jamie, coming to his friend's rescue, ' you need not worry, if the time comes we will be ready and Eugenie, little girls should be seen and not heard,'  
'But I am not a little girl anymore, cousin,' complained Eugenie with a pout as she scowled at him, her hands now on her hips with her foot frantically tapping, 'I am sixteen now and a woman and auntie said I could go to the party tonight,'  
'Only if you behave yourself, girl,' muttered Lady Stewart, ‘remember our deal,’  
'Of course, auntie! Jim, you'll dance with me won't you?' smiled Eugenie, tugging on Jim's cricket whites, 'promise you'll dance with me? I've been practicing so hard for today-you can ask my teacher,'  
'I’m sure you have and of course, it would be a pleasure and an honour,' said Jim with a smile, deciding it was kindest thing possible to say to the eager girl with her young dreams, 'but first Jamie and I have a cricket match to win,'

*******  
'You know my mother is training little Eugenie to be a soldier's wife,' said Jamie, tying the laces of his cricket shoes, 'and she has had her eye on you since I first brought you home with me,'  
'I know,' laughed Jim, reenacting Charlie's earlier action of blocking an imaginary bowl but this time with a actual cricket bat, 'I remember the list of questions she had ready for me when I had just walked into the hallway of your home. I felt like I was being interrogated in hostile territory,'  
'Mother still has hopes of turning Eugenie into the daughter she never had. She see’s it has her moralistic duty to guide her to understand her duty, the way grandmother did with her,' sighed Jamie, turning his attention to the other shoe, 'yet personally I think Eugenie is too much like aunt Lizzie for that to ever happen,'  
'Is aunt Lizzie the one they call The Bolter?' asked Jim, taking another swipe at the imagery fast bowl, ‘the one who caused that scandal by running off with the stable lad to Paris?’  
'Among other things,' muttered Jamie, remembering the smiling lady with the bright blonde hair from his childhood, who was always laughing, 'mother says poor aunt Lizzie is scourge of womanhood,’  
‘I would love to meet aunt Lizzie,’ laughed Jim, ‘from what you have said of her, I cannot imagine your mother and her around the same table at Christmas. But then again I do have to admire your mother’s fighting spirit, for despite having never met your father, I’m sure its from her that you get your's from,’  
‘Do not give me compliments, Jim,’ said Jamie, trying to hide the fact that his hands had started to shake at the thought of the approaching cricket match, ‘I do not deserve them,’  
Putting down his bat, Jim threw his friend a sympathetic smile as he came to stand beside him. One of the few things his father had managed to drum into him, was that if an Englishman was to succeed in this life, he had to prove himself on the cricket pitch before he could prove himself in the wider world. It was a philosophy that had driven Jim to do everything possible to make himself the best cricketer on the field of play, for it was a way of gaining his father’s attention and an ounce of his respect, even if he failed as a son in every other way. It also meant that he fully understood his friend’s terror as Jim was certain that his father’s view was a common view among those who rule the country and the Empire.  
'Come on, Jamie, at the end of the day it is just a cricket match to keep the families entertained,' Jim continued to grin, 'besides, even your mother cannot expect you to be best at everything,'  
'But it is not just a cricket match,' sighed Jamie, sitting down on the bench with his head in his hands, 'I know you do not want to believe it Jim, but we could be on French soil within the week and I would be expected to led and inspire the men, something that its not going to be an easy task if they see their Major chock on the cricket field,'  
'You know that is not going to be the case. You are much better at cricket than I am at rugby,' continued to smile Jim, placing a hand on Jamie's shoulder, 'the men would follow you to Hell and back whether it is in Ireland, India or...or France. Just remember what you always say to the men, "Be brave"'  
'Be brave,' repeated Jamie, looking over at his clasped shoulder then at the owner of the hand that was holding him, ‘be brave,’  
'That was one of the first things you said me all those years ago,' Jim said still with a smile and a little laugh as he sat down next to Jamie, 'and to think I thought I was hiding my nerves perfectly,'  
'It was the way you looked away from your father when he spoke to you,’ replied Jamie, still looking at Jim and trying to match his small smile as he remembered that first meeting in the dormitories of Sandhurst, 'you avoid his eyes, in the way I do with my mother,'  
'Except I suspect there might soon be a day when your mother will be proud of you,' said Jim quietly, the smile now going from his face and for a brief moment he saw himself back in his father’s study, being given another lecture on the morals of being an Englishman.  
'Well you don't truly know my mother,' answered back Jamie, with a cynical laugh but as he looked over at his friend and found that he did not share the irony, he felt a prang of guilt. He knew Jim had perhaps a more difficult relationship with his father than Jamie had with his mother. Jim never spoke of him without there seeming to be some form of pain in his voice. On those nights when they stayed up talking late into the night, whether it was in the pub, the Officer’s Mess or long ago in dorms of Sandhurst, it had become clear to Jamie that despite the smile and Jim’s ability to be constantly cheery, when it came to his father, it could release a black cloud within him. With that in mind, Jamie placed a hand on the top Jim's arm as the two of them just looked at each other and for a few seconds they remained with their eyes locked.  
'Hey, you two coming?' shouted Charlie, charging into the changing rooms, causing them to jump apart, 'the old man is getting fretful about getting started,'  
'We are on our away,' replied Jamie, turning to look at Charlie, 'are you sure the Colonel is not simply fretting over the appearance of your sisters?'  
'Your mother has charged Eugenie with keeping them both separated and amused, whilst she lectures mother on the benefits of finding another husband. My poor mother has not got the metal to point out the irony of your mother delivering such a lecture,'  
Jamie's face flashed Charlie a quick grin to show he was well aware that he's mother's need to lecture widows on remarrying was particularly amusing, given that she was still a widow herself since her husband's death in South Africa nearly fourteen years ago. But then his mother always felt she could run things better than any man God had created.  
'But I have to say Eugenie is doing a particularly splendid job of keeping Effy and Connie out of mischief,' Charlie continued to chatter as he threw and caught the dark red cricket ball he was holding, 'personally I think she is trying her best to show her wifely qualities to a certain Captain Nicholls,'  
Charlie looked over at Jim with a grin, expecting to see him blush, only Jim continued to once again practice with the bat.  
'She is just a child,' answered Jim, hitting another imaginary ball, before turning to look at his friend, 'and she should still be out playing with her friends, rather than walking down the aisle then down the streets of Berkeley Square pushing a pram. Besides I do not think I would be a perfect match for poor Eugenie-no offence Jamie,'  
'None taken,' replied Jamie with a wave of his hand as he turned to look at Jim and laughed, 'I do not think I want the man, who is forcing me to humiliate myself in front of the world at cricket becoming a member of my family, especially if he thinks that my mother would ever let her niece take the baby out in the pram rather than the nanny,'

******

'God it's hot,' sighed Jim, as they watched Charlie and Lieutenant Thomas go into bat as the sun now beat down hard on them, 'see fielding wasn't so bad,'  
'We are still behind though,' answered Jamie, his eyes closely watching the match, believing he could sense that his mother was staring at him disapprovingly, ‘and the Colonel is still not happy,’  
'But at least it wasn't you who fumbled that catch,' smiled Jim, as he scratched his leg, 'blasted Charlie, we could have had their best bat out after only one run, if he hadn't dropped that ball! Shame we need him for bat or I would have strangled him myself,'  
Jamie looked at his friend and Lieutenant Thomas as they ran to the opposite stumps, as the men of B Company tried to return the ball in time. Despite the fact that the game was far from over for their Company, Jamie still had the feeling that it was going to end up resting on his shoulders. It was a fear that came closer into being as only after a few more runs, Lieutenant Thomas was dismissed when his shot was caught by a fielder.  
'Well looks like its my turn for the slaughter,' said Jim, as he got to his feet and got ready to exchange places Thomas, 'wish me luck,'  
'You don't need luck,' smiled Jamie, despite his hands shaking slightly, hoping that Jim and Charlie would do enough to win the match, ‘you know you are the best cricketer here,’  
‘Ah but even the best of us can fall,’ laughed Jim, with a wink before going into bat, ‘without the proper luck,’  
‘Then I wish you good luck and pray that you win the day without calling on me,’  
For a few runs it did seem possible that both his friends could win the match without him even having to go into bat. It was a thought that Jamie hated, especially as he felt his mother's eyes on his back and sensed her disappoint that her son was yet to step up to the plat. But then Charlie was out, the fielders returning the ball before he reached safety, meaning it was now Jamie’s turn.  
'Sorry, Jamie,' Charlie said as they passed each other on the field, 'best of luck, old chap. I am sure Jim will look after you,'  
'Thank you,' replied Jamie, trying to look the part of the confident Major, as he took his place opposite Jim and got ready to run.  
Taking a silent gulp, Jamie watched Jim, getting ready for his cue to run. In those brief few seconds he cursed himself for not being more like his friend. Despite the fact he could see Jim's weaknesses, he saw the way he could always hold himself together with a cheery smile in front of people, in the a way Jamie never could. He could command the men's loyalty and their respect but he feared that it was a simply a case of the chain of command, not because they felt a personal need to follow him, like they had done with his father. But in Jim he saw what he remembered of the man, he had saluted as he bordered a boat to South Africa all those years ago, a man who the men would follow to Hell and remain there as long as he commanded it.  
Suddenly as he heard the sound of leather on willow, Jamie jumped from his thoughts and back to the pitch, realising that he had to run.  
'There you see,' called Jim as they crossed in the middle, 'nothing to it,'  
'Thats easy for you to say,' replied Jamie, on the return run, 'even you know you’re the best,'  
'True,' called Jim, as they managed to make a third run, 'do you think we should try for a forth?'  
'If you insist, Captain,' smiled Jamie from the opposite wickets, 'but do not get use to me following your commands,'  
'Wouldn't dream of it, Major,' laughed Jim as he started to run, but as they crossed in the middle, he said in low voice that only Jamie could hear, 'be brave, Jamie, be brave,'  
They were words that Jamie could still hear as he got ready to bat, feeling Jim's confident smile on him.

*****  
'See Jamie,' smiled Jim, as the two of them accepted the round of applause as they were presented with the trophy by a relieved Colonel, 'you are much better at cricket than I am at rugby,'  
'Still I couldn't have done it without you,' replied Jamie returning the smile and awkwardly accepting the applause from the crowd and noticing his mother had a tiny glimpse of a grin on her thin lips but he did not allow himself to believe for one moment that it was a sign of her pride in her third son.  
'True,’ laughed Jim, ‘but then we wouldn't have won it without you,'  
'And do not forget me,' chipped in Charlie, joining the two of them as the light from a camera flashed capturing the three of them for prosperity with the trophy forever, 'you could not have won today without me either,'  
'True,' laughed Jim, not noticing that Jamie and the Colonel had been called away, 'but we could have done with you catching that ball earlier,'  
'Well,' smiled Charlie, taking the trophy off of Jim, 'no point crying over spilt milk. I say what do you think the Colonel is speaking with Jamie about?'  
Jim turned around and noticed that away from the crowds of soldiers and their families, Jamie was with the Colonel, their heads were bent deep in conversation as they looked down at the a small piece of paper in the Colonel’s hand. But more than that, Jim saw that the mirth that had just been dancing over Jamie's face, was now completely gone.  
'Think the old man's personally congratulating him?' asked Charlie, his voice still cheery as he waved frantically at his proud mother, ‘his favourite Major winning the day,’  
'I pray to God he is,' answered Jim seriously as watched his friend and the Colonel finish their conversation and return to the celebrations, in away that caused him to feel a shudder once again run down his spine. It was a coldness that remained with him as the Colonel pushed himself to the front of the stage and called for silence.  
'We are going to war,' whispered Jamie, before the Colonel confirmed all of Jim's fears.

****  
The nations, no-o-o-o-ot so blest as thee,  
Must i-i-i-i-in their turn, to ty-y--yrants fall,  
Must in their turn, to ty-y-rants fall,  
While thou shalt flourish, shalt flourish great and free,  
The dread and e-e-e-e-nvy of them all.  
Rule Britannia!  
Britannia rule the waves.

The singing rung in Jamie's ears as he slipped out the ballroom unnoticed, carrying two small mugs as he went. In many ways it slightly bemused him that it was not just the soldiers commemorating the news they would soon be fighting on the fields of Europe, but their families also. Given that he could still remember that awful day when the news had reached them that his father was not coming home, it was strange to see women and children celebrating an event that might mean that they lost their menfolk forever. Not that his mother or grandmother had shed tears, but Jamie recalled every tear he and his brothers had wept. However it was not the only thing that took Jamie away from the party, for Eugenie was constantly harping on with 'where’s Jim? He promised he'd dance with me? I have been practicing so hard! Where is he?!'  
Walking out into the grounds, Jamie found the still hot evening air more bearable than the atmosphere inside, especially as he finally spotted Jim sat behind a tree, staring up at stars.  
'Thought you'd might like a drink,' said Jamie, sitting down next to his friend and offering him one the mugs he was carrying.  
'Thanks but I don't really feel like drink champagne tonight,' replied Jim, taking the mug, ‘it just doesn’t seem right,’  
'I know,' smiled Jamie, 'that's why I got some beer from the kitchens instead,'  
Jim gave a small laugh as he took a sip of the ale, before setting the mug down and reaching for the cigarette case in his pocket. It was a thing they had always done-one would buy or fetch the drinks, the other the cigarettes and other the matches. Then the next time, they would change places.  
‘I thought it was Charlie’s turn?’  
‘It is,’ said Jamie, gesturing his head in the direction of the ballroom, from which both could hear the faint sound of music and singing, ‘but he is too busy dancing with my cousin given that you have shamelessly abandoned her,’  
‘Oh dear me, I completely forgot!’ exclaimed Jim as he reached for his jacket that he had discarded, ‘but under the circumstances I could not take another rendition of Rule Britannia. It is the most astonishing thing, wouldn’t you say?’  
‘But sadly Jim to many it is a matter of celebration,’ sighed Jamie, leaning back against the tree, his mind remembering the day he waved his father goodbye and the party atmosphere that there had been on the docks, so much so that little Guy had thought it must be his birthday, ‘when my father boarded his ship to fight the Boar, it was terribly difficult to actually say goodbye as the brass band was so loud and so many people were cheering and throwing streams-one even hit my mother on the side of her face,’  
‘I would love to have seen your mother’s face,’ chuckled Jim briefly, pulling a cigarette case out of his jacket pocket, ‘and the face of the poor soul who had thrown the offending paper,’  
‘You did not miss much. My mother remained mother, stoic throughout despite the added decoration to her outfit,’ continued Jamie, staring up at the evening sky which still had the faint traces of daylight as he remembered his father letting a small laugh as streamers flew at his mother, before he returned to look at Jim, who was struggling with clasp of his much battered cigarette case, ‘anyway, the people who stood on the dockside that day had the same hopes as the people now singing in there. They long for days and for the Britain that faced down Napoleon at Waterloo and ruled the waves under Nelson. We did not reclaim it at the Crimea or at South Africa, so they now hope its third time lucky and its our job to make it so,’  
‘Does it not hurt to think then that your father died for nothing in the end,’ asked Jim, looking over at his friend and examining Jamie’s face more closely.  
‘No,’ answered Jamie, his voice suddenly so sharp that its caused Jim to finally crack open the silver case with a jump, nearly sending the cigarettes flying, ‘just that he died, but then it was in the line of duty,’  
'I hope because you have taken Charlie’s turn of getting the drinks, you have not forgotten your part of bring the matches,’ said Jim softly as he offered Jamie a cigarette before taking one himself, noticing that his friend did not look his way, ‘you must think me a poor excuse for a soldier,'  
'My father always said,' answered Jamie, taking out a box of matches and striking one, relieving Jim’s fears as Jamie leaned over to light his cigarette, their eyes briefly meeting in the small orange light, 'that the worse type of soldier is the man who will send men to their slaughter and charge to his own death without a hint of a conscience or fear,'  
'Does your mother know that,' laughed Jim, taking a drag on his cigarette, 'I cannot see her agreeing at all with that philosophy,'  
'No,' replied Jamie, with a puff of smoke, 'and no she doesn't and neither did my grandmother. He would never say such things when mother was in the room. He would wait until she had finished her lecture and left for one of her committees, then he gather us together to inform us of the truth. See mother and my grandmother’s view is and was that men are placed here by God to give their lives in defence of the Empire, whilst the women’s role is to breed the men and the future breeders for the greater good of the Empire,'  
'Your mother and my father should have married,' laughed Jim, before he took another drag on his cigarette, 'he believes it is a man's right to sacrifice his all for his King and Country. That there is no greater love than a man who lays down his life and that of his wife and son in the service of his country. Ha, imagine that, we would be brothers,'  
'Imagine!' smiled Jamie, taking a gulp of beer and choosing for the moment not comment on the personal reference of Jim's remark. He had only ever met Jim's father once and even then only briefly but it left a last impression that Sir George Nicholls was more military than any real military father's that Jamie had ever met, 'but unfortunately my mother does not care for a man who is not in uniform. Sees it as rather a shirk of duty. It does seem rather strange though that's it's you whose in uniform and not your father?'  
'My father protects the King and Empire,' replied Jim, shifting uncomfortably as he flicked some ash away from his cigarette, 'by ruling the corridors of Whitehall with an iron fist. He wanted me to join him-the son and heir as his faithful lieutenant. Sometimes I wish Lily had been born a boy, would have made life more bearable for me . Any how I wanted to feel useful, that's why I choose the army instead. Besides I don't think a bowler hat would do anything for me,'  
'No, it wouldn't do anything for you ears,' grinned Jamie, causing them both to fall around in stitches of laughter, 'have to say, I never thought them your best feature,'  
'Neither did I,' laughed Jim, as he leant against Jamie, his laughter turning into a more sober tone of voice as he's blue eyes looked out on to another world, 'I'm not even sure my mother meant it either. Until that point she had always claimed her boy's best feature was his blue eyes, artists eyes she would say. It was only after she got sick and the doctors kept feeding her morphine that things change and she would constantly talk about my ears. She even said she saw butterflies dancing around Lily's head. At least the medication was kind of a blessing as she didn't feel pain when the time came so say goodbye. They'll be no morphine for me I suspect. It's strange really as the thought of dying in Ireland or India somehow never worried me, but now...,'  
'You have nothing to fear,' said Jamie, stubbing out his cigarette as he leant back against Jim. He did not come from a family that was comfortable with displays of intimacy, so leaning against his friend’s shoulder was the best he could manage in a show of solidarity, 'do you know there was a Stewart killed in South Africa, one at Khartoum, another at Sevastopol and another at Waterloo. There is even the family legend of one dying at Bannockburn,'  
'English or Scottish?' asked Jim, turned to him with a smile back on his lips, though his bright blue eyes still portrayed his sadness.  
'Scottish, much to my mother's shame,' grinned Jamie, 'she used to hate my father telling the legend, but my point is, is that it should be I who fears death in this war as I have a lot to live up too. My mum expects Donald, Richard and I to die heroically in defence of Britannia and she will accept nothing less. The only reason she tolerates Guy's act of rebellion in joining the Navy, is because an ancestor of her's died at Trafalgar and she constantly prays her youngest son will follow his example. You will be fine, my friend, you are too good for that type of end and you shall return a hero and marry Eugenie, whereas I have to return in a box,'  
'Jamie, don't talk like that!' pleaded Jim, looking over at his friend, as his hand stubbed out his cigarette and threw it away, 'you will come back and I need you to comeback, regardless of what your mother wants!'  
'Then I need you with me over there Jim, and to trust me,' replied Jamie, meeting his friend's bright blue eyes, 'if you want me not to follow my mother's dreams, I need you by my side,'  
'Shall we both be brave then,' said Jim softly, as held out his hand, eager for his friend to take it, 'get through this war together?'  
'Be brave,' returned Jamie, taking hold of Jim's hand, clasping it tight as he could as they both placed their other hand on their shoulders and embraced. It was only a quick hug in the style that men do to show comradeship, but it brought them both some much needed comfort in what was now an uncertain world.  
'No offence,' said Jim, softly as they pulled away, 'but as nice a girl as Eugenie is, I do mean it when I say I don't plan to marry her. It would be unfair to lumber the poor young girl with the likes of me,'  
'Again none taken,' answered Jamie, taking a sip of his drink, 'can I say I'm quite relieved as I wouldn't wish my mother on anyone but it would have been nice to have you around more often-would certainly have made Christmas time more bearable. Could have back up when mother introduces me to one of the many straight laced soldiers' daughters that she constantly tries to force on me,'  
'I would have thought you'd like a straight laced wife,' laughed Jim, looking away slightly, 'doesn't every Major?'  
'Now you sound like my brothers,' sighed Jamie, turning to look at his friend, trying to capture his friend gaze, 'that is just what Donald and Richard say ever Christmas and Easter as their straight laced wives show their latest offering to the clan,'  
'And it's the same talk I get from father and Lily ever Christmas and Easter too,' smiled Jim, talking into his chest, 'except its every captain needs a good wife....Jamie, do you ever wonder....'  
'There you two are!' cried Charlie, startling both of them as he and Eugenie appeared from behind the tree, 'we have been looking everywhere for you two,'  
'Yes, everywhere,' echoed Eugenie in that shrill, excited manner of her's as she grabbed hold of Jim's hand, trying to drag him to his feet, 'you promised you'd dance with me Jim!'  
'Of course,' smiled Jim, trying to return to his usual self as he got to his feet, 'please forgive me for forgetting,'  
'Thats okay, I'll forgive you this time,' giggled Eugenie, now trying to drag him back to the barracks, 'oh and Jamie, auntie wants a few words with you before we go,'  
'Probably wants to give you a few tips on how to win the war,' laughed Charlie, taking a sip of champagne from the glass he was holding, 'I say, what were you two doing out here anyway, you're missing a splendid party!'  
'Talking,' replied Jamie bluntly as he reached for the two mugs of beer he and Jim had left on the ground, 'actually we were just about to go in search of you, Charlie. Eugenie can to let poor Jim go for a minute, please, as we need him for something,'  
'Well alright,' replied Eugenie, releasing Jim's hand and crossed her arms stubbornly, 'but I want my dance!'  
'I swear upon my honour, my dear Eugenie, you will get your dance,' smiled Jim, with a nod and a wave before returning to his friends, taking his mug of beer off of Jamie.  
'Now,' said Jamie, looking to Jim then Charlie, then back briefly to Jim, 'none of us truly know what awaits us across the Channel. We can pray that the examples of history will guide us to victory but let's us also pray, nay, let us make sure that we get through it together,'  
Both Jim and Charlie looked at each other and exchanged looks, as Charlie for a brief moment let himself give over to the notion that what awaited them in France was not a jolly outing. That despite all his bravado of this being a case of teaching the Kaiser’s men a quick lesson in chivalry, he might not actually return to England’s shores alive to tell the tale.  
'Together' they all said in unison, clicking their drinks together in agreement with Jamie's words, all hoping that the trinity that was their friendship would not soon be broken.


	2. Land of Milk and Honey (Part One)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the eve of leaving for France, all are summoned to Lady Stewart's for dinner.

‘Did I not tell you, Jamie, that Joey would do it,’ shouted Jim, as he jumped down from his new horse, which he had purchased on a recent recruiting drive in Devon, throwing the captured hoop up in the air as he dismounted, ‘not bad hey!’  
‘Beginners luck,’ muttered Jamie, putting his sword back in its scabbard that hung by his side, before patting his horse on the side of it’s neck, ‘is that not right, Topthorn? Just a case of beginners luck for our friends,’  
‘Come on, Jamie,’ laughed Jim, catching the hoop, before once again tossing it up into the air, ‘just put that Stewart pride aside and admit you are wrong,’  
‘No, it was a case of beginners luck,’ continued Jamie, dismounting his horse as he watched Jim once again catch the ribbon decorated hoop, before again throwing it in the air, ‘I would like to see you repeat that feat ten times before I concede,’  
‘No, it’s a case of your family’s pride getting in the way,’ grinned Jim, continuing to throw the hoop up in the air and watching it spin in the mid August sun, before catching it and repeating the action again, ‘just admit it Major Stewart, the king has lost his crown,’  
‘You know Captain Nicholls, it’s a good thing we are friends or I would have you court martialled for such a remark,’  
As he spoke, Jamie reached out to grab the spinning hoop to halt his friend’s jests, only he found Jim did the same action. Both of them caught hold of the wicker circle at the same moment, each holding on to opposite side of the blue ribbon target.  
‘Then I must remember to count my blessing, Major Stewart’  
‘I say,’ called Charlie as he came into view still on horseback, ‘you two rather charged off there!’  
‘And you, Charlie, rather hung back there,’ called Jamie over his shoulder, letting go of the hoop and turning to face him with a raised eyebrow.  
‘Well at least someone will be able to rescue the both of you when the you two have been captured or injured,’ cheered Charlie, jumping down from his horse and joining the little group, ‘but I have to say Jim, I’m impressed with that new horse of yours and to think Jamie dismissed the poor creature,’  
‘Now I never did that,’ replied Jamie sharply but not cruelly, as he went over to where Jim’s horse was now standing besides Topthorn and patted in him on the nose, ‘just that he was not a patch on Topthorn and with that in mind, I think it worth regrouping the men for another practice run,’

 

‘Do not look so glum, Jamie,’ laughed Jim as he and Charlie followed Jamie into the mess, ‘you and Topthorn were only just behind Joey and I this time,’  
‘Do I look glum?’ asked Jamie sharply as he tossed his cap down on the table before sitting down in the seat next to it, ‘the men are well trained, they know their places and that is all I care about, Captain Nicholls!’  
‘Of course, Major Stewart,’ smiled Jim, taking the seat opposite Jamie and trying not to stare too much at the vein in his friend’s head that always bulged when he was angry…or embarrassed. Despite the fact that Jim knew that Jamie constantly felt that he never would nor ever could live up to his mother’s expectations, it did not stop him constantly trying to prove that he was the best. It had seen him made Major, despite the fact that many his age still found themselves in the rank of captain and was constantly praised by the higher ranks as the future of the British Army. Jim knew this was no faint praise either, made by men who knew Jamie’s father, for they never once compared him to his heroic father or his two elder brothers. But the years of their friendship had also taught Jim, that Jamie, whilst making an graceful show in public, would be as annoyed as a child inside if he felt he had been shown up, ‘of course,’  
‘Why then is that vein in your head glowing red, Jamie,’ laughed Charlie, saying what Jim was thinking as he indicated for Fusilier Lakeman to bring over three drinks as he took a seat next to them, ‘oh don’t you two look at me like that, at least I will be able to save both of your skins when you are captured,’  
‘If that day should ever be fall us, then God help us all,’  
‘Oh now have some faith, Jamie, it is not Charlie’s fault that he is always late to the party’ smiled Jim, reaching out and taking one of the three whiskey from the young Fusilier’s tray, as well as a folded piece of paper with "Captain Nicholls" marked on it that also lay on the round tray , ‘thank you, Lakeman,’  
‘That is only because you two are always going on ahead without me,’ replied Charlie, taking his drink from the tray and drinking a sip before speaking, ‘I say, anything interesting?’  
‘Its from my brother-in-law. Lily has had a girl,’ answered Jim with a small smile as he refolded the note and placed it in his pocket, ‘she has named her Adelaide after mother. Apparently she has my eyes and they are both well,’  
‘Well, well done, Lily and Adelaide,’ cheered Charlie, leaning back into his chair but raising his glass in the form of a small toast as he did, ‘I say Jim, you could look a bit more happy about the arrival of your niece!’  
‘Oh believe me I am,’ sighed Jim, taking a sip of his drink as his eyes stared down at the amber liquid, ‘I am just slightly down by the fact that I will not have a chance to see them before we leave for France,’  
‘Well then it will be something for you to look forward to once we return to Blighty,’ said Jamie, once more speaking in that no nonsense Major’s voice of his as he opened the telegram that had been waiting for him on the same tray as Jim’s. He knew the thoughts that was going through his friend’s head, for despite the cheer that Jim had displayed recently, Jamie knew his friend was not easily won over with endless cheers of "For King and Country" that were now everywhere, ‘and I am sure for little Adelaide too. Uncle Jim will surely make a pleasant change from her serious grandfather,’  
‘Yes, you are right,’ said Jim, with a little smile as he turned his attention back to his friends, ‘I cannot see father giving her piggy backs around the garden. Lords knows I had to beg him to utter “Happy Birthday” to me. Anyhow, enough on my father, Jamie, any good news for you?’  
‘Its from my mother,’ replied Jamie stonily, ‘we have been summoned to her dinner table this evening,’  
‘Oh dear, my commiserations,’ laughed Jim, taking a drink ‘well at least you will get to spend some time at home before we leave for France,’  
‘Do not look smug, Jim,’ continued Jamie with a bit more emotion as he handed the paper to him, ‘when I say we, I mean we. Mother has summoned you to the Stewart table as well, along with Charlie,’  
‘Me?!’ cried Charlie, nearly dropping his drink, ‘why would your mother want me there?! I can understand her wanting Jim, but me? She cannot stand me!’  
‘Probably wants to make sure you won’t let the side down in France,’ grinned Jim, taking the paper from Jamie, ‘that you are better at keeping order among the men than you are with your sisters,’  
‘Well, we all know why she wants you there,’ answered Charlie with a wink, ‘I must say I am surprised she hasn’t forced you and her darling niece down the aisle before we are shipped off to France. Unless of course that what her plan for tonight is,’

 

‘Oh damn,’ cursed Jamie as he and Jim hovered around the car his mother had sent for them, which had parked just outside the barracks, ‘I told him to be ready by 6 o’clock!’  
‘You know what Charlie’s like. Besides have some pity on him, you know he is terrified of your mother,’ smiled Jim, as he leaned against Lady Stewart’s car, despite feeling the heavy weight of the glares coming from her chauffeur, ‘you know, I do not think your mother’s driver likes me,’  
‘None of my mother’s servants like you, Jim,’ grinned Jamie, taking out his cigarette case and offering Jim one as he had a feeling Charlie was not going to appear anytime soon, ‘they, like my mother, think you are a bad influence,’  
‘Charming and I thought I behaved impeccably on my visits,’ laughed Jim, taking the offered cigarette and the offered light, ‘thank you, Jamie,’  
‘You are welcome,’ replied Jamie, taking a drag on his cigarette, ‘my mother thinks you too free-why do think she wants you in the circle?’  
‘So she can keep an eye on me,’ smiled Jim, with a wink but as he took a drag on his cigarette a thought struck him, ‘I say, you don’t think Charlie is right-that your mother is planning anything with Eugenie tonight,’  
‘No, that’s not my mother’s style,’ answered Jamie, coming to stand beside his friend, but stopping sort of leaning against the car, ‘she likes things to show her influence, not her force...Would it really be so bad to be a member of my family or at least my brother-in-law?’  
‘Jamie,’ said Jim, quietly, looking at the ground as he flicked some ash away from his cigarette before taking another drag, ‘I know how cruel I sound, but it would be crueller for me to marry her. Eugenie is a sweet, kind girl, she deserves better than being lumbered with the likes of me. Besides I do not think I want to get married, I think I would be a useless husband,’  
‘Do not sell yourself short, Jim,’  
‘Jamie…’  
‘Sorry,’ shouted Charlie, hurrying from the barracks, trying to button his jacket as he ran, ‘I could not find my blasted cufflinks. I swear something is eating my belongings,’  
‘Maybe if you were more organized, then you would not have these problems,’ muttered Jamie, as he discarded his cigarette, ‘now shall we go, before my mother has us all shot,’

 

‘Have you ever been to Stewarts’ before?’ Jim asked Charlie, as after an hour’s drive they finally pulled up outside the large country estate that Jamie called his childhood home. The large house was very imposing in the early evening light, the yellow and oranges of the setting sun, giving the Gothic structure of the building an extremely eerie feel to it. When Jim had first visited there it had been a wet April day, but it had still sent shivers down his spin and the feeling of unease had only heightened with the coming face to face with Lady Stewart on the drive.  
‘No,’ said Charlie, amazed at the size of the house and wondered how many of his parent’s house in Kensington you could fit in there. Despite the fact there was plenty of money in banking, Charlie was certain that his father could never afforded such a place-even if he was ever tempted to play with the figures, ‘I think Lady Stewart rather looks down her nose at me,’  
‘I think that is just the pose of her face,’ whispered Jim with a grin as he climbed out of the car, ‘just a quick word of warning- remember how strict and stuffy you told me you found Sandhurst, well it is nothing compared to what will greet you in there,’  
‘Oh!’ sighed Charlie, joining Jim on the drive, his eyes still looking up at the daunting house, deciding that maybe it was best to remain silent throughout dinner, rather than risk Lady Stewart’s wrath.  
‘Jim!’ cried Eugenie, jumping up from where she had been perched on the stone steps, waiting for them, her head resting against a grotesque, and running down to greet them with her arms waving frantically, ‘where have you been? I have been waiting ages!’  
‘Charlie could not decide what to wear,’ laughed Jim, as he was greeted by Eugenie enthusiastically throwing her arms around his waist and nearly winding him in the process as her grip was so tight.  
‘That is a slight exaggeration,’ added Charlie, deciding he could relax for a moment as there seemed to be no sight of his friend’s formidable mother, ‘you are looking nice this evening, Eugenie,’  
‘Thank you, Charlie,’ said Eugenie, letting go Jim and turning her head briefly towards Charlie with a beaming grin, before turning back to Jim,’ and do you like my dress, Jim? Auntie let me buy a new one with the money mummy sent over for my birthday,’  
‘Its very pretty,’ smiled Jim, looking Eugenie up and down, thinking that although the grey dress made her look more like a woman than a girl, it still would not be enough for her to get the reaction she wanted, ‘you look lovely Eugenie,’  
‘Ahh thank you, Jim’ she smiled, blushing as she linked arms with Charlie and Jim, ‘and do you like it, cousin?’  
‘Yes, its very pretty,’ said Jamie in his usual voice, paying his cousin’s new dress very little attention as he joined them, ‘and is that mother of yours thinking of using some of that money of her’s to get herself out of France and back across the Channel to safety, instead of expecting the British Army to come rescue her if the time comes?’  
‘Oh phish, mummy says there is no need, as the American government are sitting this spat out,’ called Eugenie, over her shoulder, ‘anyway, Jamie, you have enough to worry about with auntie for being so late, particularly as grandmother come down from her room especially for this evening. Oh and Jim we have a surprise for you!,’

 

'I see what you mean,’ muttered Charlie to Jim over Eugenie’s head as they walked down a long imposing hall to the drawing room. The walls were tall and painted with a near threatening red, with gold pattern dancing across them, but it was the paintings that adored them, that cause Charlie to feel as nervous as he had in those early days at Sandhurst. For watching him were portraits of men, all in some form of military dress, looking down at him with the expression of “we did our duty to King and Country, now will you do yours?”.  
However, what really struck Charlie were the servants they passed on route, for they did not simply set back and look away as he had known in his house and other places he had visited. Instead with the click of their heels, they would withdraw away, in a type of retreating march and with their heads held high. They were well trained, thought Charlie, so well trained that every time they passed one, he kept thinking they were about to salute.  
‘So why has grandmother ventured downstairs for tonight?’ asked Jamie, following behind the threesome, greeting every member of his mother’s staff with a nod of the head, ‘she has not left those rooms since,…well since that unpleasant business with your mother,’  
‘Unpleasant business!’ giggled Eugenie, ‘oh Jamie, you are always so serious! Did you know Charlie that grandmother caught my mother on her back with the stable lad in the library?’  
‘Eugenie!’  
‘Well its true, Jamie!’  
‘No, I did not know that,’ laughed Charlie, feeling more at easy and relieved that Eugenie would be with them throughout the evening, ‘Jim did you?’  
‘Oh, of course Jim knows,’ exclaimed Eugenie with a loud laugh, ‘Jamie tells Jim everything,’  
‘Does he?,’ said Jim, looking over his shoulder to Jamie with a grin, ‘I am honoured,’  
‘Oh yes, grandmother says that you would think you two were brothers the way you carry on. Anyhow, Jamie, I have no idea why she is coming down from her room for tonight,’  
‘Well,’ asked Jamie as they neared towards the drawing room, feeling slightly unnerved. His grandmother had not left her rooms since that night nearly ten years ago, for she claimed the shock had been so terrible. She was even very strict about those who visited her in her rooms; Jamie had been surprised that she had asked him to bring Jim up with him when he visited, especially as she had ignored him the whole time, ‘who else has been summoned to the dining table?’  
‘Victoria and Charlotte are both here and they are both as bigs as cows! They’re without Donald and Richard of course, but all the babies are here and are asleep upstairs,’ chipped Eugenie, over her shoulder to her cousin, ‘Guy is not here also, but his fiancee, Evie, is here-I don’t think you have met her before, have you Jamie? Then there is Brigadier Beckett’s daughter, Helena and Elizabeth, my friend from school, who I think you met last summer. Oh and there is a special guest for Jim,’  
‘For me?’ smiled Jim, ‘but who…’  
However, as a servant opened the doors to the drawing room and light poured on to them, a voice was heard that struck Jim cold.  
‘There you are, James!’ boomed the cold voice of Sir George Nicholls, ‘I was starting to think, boy, that you would not show your face!’

 

‘Father,’ said Jim, quietly, looking down at his feet, the light gone from his bright blue eyes, ‘what are you doing here?’  
‘Lady Stewart was kind enough to invite me,’ replied Sir George, looking his son up and down, ‘and as I was down here on business, I thought I should take an opportunity to make sure my only son is not letting the side down,’  
‘I told you we had a surprise for you, Jim,’ giggled Eugenie, letting go of Charlie and holding even tighter to Jim’s arm, completely unaware of the change in Jim’s manner or the worrying looks passing between Jamie and Charlie, ‘it must be so nice to see each other before Jim leaves for France. Its just a shame your sister could not also come,’  
‘Yes,’ said Jim, still looking at the floor, ‘how is Lily doing, father? Robert said she and the baby are well,’  
‘Why would Robert lie, of course she and the baby are well,’ replied Sir George, bluntly, as he had just as much affection for his youngest child than he did for the oldest. However, in Sir George’s eyes this was exactly the right amount affection one was expected to show a daughter, which was also the right amount of affection one gave a son, who was a disappointment, ‘saw her and her baby before travelling down. Baby is rather stout and strong. Shame it had to be born a girl,’  
‘Ooo,’ cooed Eugenie, still completely unaware of the atmosphere around her, ‘I love babies. I hope one day I can meet them,’  
‘Eugenie stop being a bother,’ said Jamie, joining the group and taking hold of his cousin’s arm, gently trying to pull her away, ‘I think your friends want to speak to you,’  
‘She is no bother,’ answered Sir George, suddenly turning from the cold father, to the charming civil servant who ruled the corridors of Whitehall, ‘are you, my dear? Now when my son has graced me with a letter, he has constantly talks about you,’  
‘Ooo does he?’  
‘Oh yes my dear,’ continued Sir George, still with a charm that surprised Jamie as he guided Eugenie into the drawing room, ‘he talks of seldom else,’  
'Jim, are you okay?' asked Jamie, coming to stand beside him and placing a hand on his shoulder, 'I honest had no idea. I would have informed mother you were sick, if I had known,'  
'I know,' said Jim, watching as his father escorted Eugenie to the dinning room, he appearing to be interested in all her chatter and gossip. Jim also felt the heavy, watchful eyes of Lady Stewart and her mother-in-law upon them. Sensing this he carried on speaking to Jamie in a whisper, ‘but my father is plotting something. I think I have only mentioned Eugenie once to him, and believe me, he does not suffer women, especially young women, gladly-unless he has a particular role he wants them to play in him achieving more advancement,’

 

'Sandhurst was nothing compared to this,' hissed Charlie out of the side of his mouth to Jim, as the two of them along with the other guests stood in ridged formality behind their chairs waiting for the oldest member of the party to take her seat, so they could follow her lead, 'I am guessing that is the grandmother,'  
'Yes and if you thought Lady Stewart was scary, that is nothing compared to the Dowager,' replied Jim quietly, 'I have only meet her once-briefly when I went with Jamie to visit her in her rooms. All she said to me was "oh you must be Jamie's friend" and then turned away with her nose in the air. But could tell then, they should have made her Field Marshal,'  
'My father says,' interrupted Eugenie's friend, Elizabeth, who was sat on the other side of Charlie, 'that if the Dowager Countess Stewart had been in France in 1799, Napoleon would never have staged his coup d'état,'  
'Well she certainly has me scared,' laughed Charlie, though a quick glare from Lady Stewart put a stop to it, 'I say maybe your father Jim can get her place in charge, rather than Haig,’

 

'So I had a new dress made especially for Cowes,' said Helena to Jamie, in between delicate mouthfuls of food, 'and then they go and cancel it! Honestly, can you think of anything more horrible?!'  
'I imagine the people of Belgium were beside themselves when they heard,' replied Jamie, taking a sip of wine and wondering if he's mother had become so desperate for him to find a wife, that she had restored to this Helena.  
'Oh do not get me on the subject of Belgium,' continued Helena, dismissing the subject by jabbing her knife in the air, 'it's all their fault we are in this mess and daddy is going to miss my birthday because of it,'  
'Such a shame,' muttered Jamie, before looking over at Jim, in a desperate need of rescue, hoping to catch Jim’s eye as he nodded along to Eugenie's endless talk, 'Eugenie please don't monopolize poor Jim all night. Let others speak to him!'  
'But I won't see him until you all come back from France,' she pouted, putting a hand on Jim's arm as she did, 'don't be such a spoil sport, Jamie! You can talk to him as much as you like once you get to France,'  
'We are not going on holiday, Eugenie,' said Jamie, seriously, finding difficult to believe that he and Eugenie shared the same blood, 'we are going to war,'  
'Well it doesn't sound like that to me!' cried Eugenie, taking a rather too large gulp of wine that left tiny red marks on her lips, 'Jim was saying you sulked when he beat you in the practice run, '  
'Eugenie, you will get me in trouble! Honestly, Jamie, I did not say that,' laughed Jim, for a moment briefly forgetting that his father was also sat around the table, 'I just said you did not take it too well,'  
'I was just glad that the men all knew their place,' replied Jamie, seriously but with a smile, 'and I do not sulk,'  
'As I said, I never said you did, but...'  
'But?  
'But Charlie is right!' replied Jim, still laughing, 'that the vein in your head does go red when you’re annoyed!'  
'I beg to differ!'  
'Oh do you?'  
'You see what I mean, Sir George,' hissed the Dowager Lady Stewart, seated at the head of the table to Jim's father, who was seated to her left. Dressed all in black and in a dress that had not been the height of fashion since Victoria was on the throne, but it meant she cut a figure of authority in the house, which even Sir George had to respect, ‘we have a little problem,’  
'Mmm, I see,' muttered Sir George, casting a discrete eye over his son before returning to his hosts, 'James always did cling like a little puppy dog to anyone who showed him some affection, it use to cause me no end of embarrassment when his mother was alive,’  
‘And we do not want any embarrassment now, do we?’ replied the Dowager, glaring straight at Sir George, ‘not now we are war. We don’t want the Hun, thinking our boys are weak,’  
‘Mother,’ said Lady Stewart, in quiet manner that would have surprised her sons if they heard, but then in the natural order of things, she assuming the role of a subordinate when dealing with her mother-in-law, ‘I think perhaps that maybe you have misread the situations. My Donald always said it was important for there to be camaraderie between the men, as it helped them function more as a unit when the time comes to fight,’  
‘But Donald knew where he’s duties lie,’ answered her mother-in-law very quickly as she turned her glare on to Lady Stewart, ‘but I fear you have failed to pass on this knowledge to all of Donald's sons. We are on the brink and yet you still have one son without hope of a marriage and that niece of yours is still no closer to getting Sir George’s son snared,’  
‘These things take time,’ replied Lady Stewart, in a voice that was reminiscent of the way her sons spoke to her, ‘despite what you may think mother, all my children know where there duties lies,’  
‘Then perhaps they just need a reminder,’ said Sir George, taking a sip of his drink, before raising his voice so that the whole table could hear, ‘I trust despite your laughter, you all know your duties once you get to France. After all, we do not want a slip up that will result in this thing last beyond Christmas,’  
‘Yes, sir,’ replied Jim, the laughter gone from his voice and all the colour from his face as he looked down at his plat, ‘we know what we must do,’  
‘Pardon?’  
‘I think what Jim was saying,’ interrupted Jamie, putting down his knife and fork as he looked over to Jim’s father, his mother and grandmother, ‘is that we are already to do our duty. We may laugh but all the men are ready. They are well trained and more importantly they know their duty to the God, King and the Empire,’  
‘I am sure they do,’ said Sir George, swallowing a mouthful of food, watching as he saw his son mouth a thank you to Jamie, ‘but I think I should remind you all of the fact that God is an Englishman and all Englishmen bathe in the glory of that light. The Germans and the Austrian-Hungarians, although we should never dare to place them in same categories as us, have strayed from the light and they have to be taught that God does not tolerate those who stray from the path of his righteous plan,’  
‘No, he certainly does not,’ echoed Lady Stewart, deciding that the time had come to prove she was every bit the matriarch that she inspired to be and that her mother-in-law’s training had not been in vein, ‘and with that in mind, you three and especially you Jamie, should remember that we are fighting to kept the order of things. You will lead men from different classes and from all over the Empire, so you need to remember your duty in upholding the standards of class and decently. Lord knows we do not want that awful Keir Hardie in Downing Street or another mutiny in India,’  
‘Well said both of you,’ added the Dowager, getting to her feet, causing everyone to follow suit as she raised her glass in a toast, ‘as the Lord God said “You shall inherit their land, and I will give it to you to possess, a land flowing with milk and honey” You shall be holy to me, for I the Lord am holy and have separated you from the peoples, that you should be mine. God gives us all our place in this world, places, which for us in this room are places of great privilege. But with privilege comes great responsibility to lead and protect the bounty of our great land and to make certain the God given order of things is not disrupted and our glorious Empire does not share the fate of Romans,’  
‘Here, here,’ echoed Lady Stewart and Sir George so loudly that it masked the fact that younger members of the gathering only muffled their agreements, amid the clinking of glass. But it was enough to satisfy the Dowager Countess Stewart, who sat down with a small thin smile on her lips.  
‘Eugenie dear,’ she continued, looking over at her family’s ward, who in the spirit of showing family unity had allowed her daughter-in-law's niece to address her as a grandparent, ‘you have told our guest, what we were discussing earlier?’  
‘Oh yes, Jim,’ cried Eugenie, nearly jumping out of her seat in excitement, ‘I have decided that I am going to write to you when you are away! I think everyday in fact! You will have to write to me first though so I know where to send them, but I will reply straight away-I promise!’  
‘Thank you, Eugenie,’ said Jim, forcing a smile and some cheer as he felt all eyes in the room on him, ‘I am flattered,’ 

 

‘I will make our excuses to mother and go,’ whispered Jamie, to Jim and Charlie as they were all sat in the drawing room after dinner with glasses of port, ‘lord knows we can’t be too late and by the look on grandmother’s face, she is getting ready to give me a talk about the glories deeds of my grandfather,’  
‘Wasn’t your grandfather killed in the Sudan?’ replied Charlie with a laugh, ‘I hope she doesn’t expect you to follow his example,’  
‘God, King and Empire are all my grandmother cares about. She would feel it a great honour if I followed grandfather's example,’ said Jamie, but before he had a chance to speak to his mother, Sir George had joined their little group, his eyes on his son.  
'James,' said Sir George, indicating at his son with a threatening finger to follow him in to the Stewart's garden, 'a word my boy,'  
'Do you want me to come with you?' asked Jamie, as Jim started to follow his father to the glass doors, which led out into the garden. Jamie did not trust Jim’s father, despite this being only their second meeting, for he seeing his friend change in seconds from a man with confidence and charm, to a scared little boy, made Jamie realize that there were colder families than the one he grew up in.  
'Thank you but I need to face this alone,' answered Jim quietly, gently squeezing the top of Jamie's arm, before picking up his drink and following his father, 'besides it will only give him more ammunition,'

 

Jim found his father stood in the centre of a stone folly, which had been built to resemble the temples of the Ancient Greeks, bathed in plumes of smoke coming from his cigar. Despite them being outside in the late summer air, instead of in his father’s stuffy office, seeing Whitehall’s top man with his back to him and lit cigar in hand, was enough to remind Jim of the “words” they had when he was a boy. With that in mind, Jim to a long deep gulp of his port before approaching.  
'You must be leaving for France soon,' said Sir George, still with his back to his only son, 'two days is it not? And to Quievrechain I believe?'  
'Yes sir,' was all Jim could manage as he stared down at the ground as if he was still a boy. It did not even surprise him that his father knew all his future movements, for Jim knew the man did not exaggerate when he said that he was the British Government.  
'Pardon!' snapped Sir George, spinning around as he spoke, 'speak up boy!'  
'Yes sir!'  
'Look at me when I am speaking to you, boy!' barked Sir George, as approached his son. He just as tall as Jim was, despite his age, and stood toe to toe their heads were in alignment, so when Jim looked up, he got a face full of smoke, 'now that's better,'  
'Yes sir,' choked Jim, well aware that he sounded like a little boy but knew he could act no different when faced with his father, 'it will not happen again, sir,'  
'Just made sure it does not, James!' continued Sir George, taking a hard and intimidating look at his son as he took another puff on his cigar, 'I will not have you make me a laughing stock when you are in France,'  
'No, sir,'  
Sir George took another long look at his son before walking away slightly and proceeding to pace the marble floor. Jim continued to stare straight ahead, the way he had done as a child, not wanting his father to truly realize how frightened he really was of him. Occasionally, he caught the strong smell of cigar smoke and he remembered all those times as a child that it had nearly made him choke. Jim remembered too, the most painful of his father’s tellings offs that had started in such a manner, his father pacing up and down his study rather than simply being sat behind his large oak desk. It was this change of tack, which meant that when his father had landed a blow on Jim’s face, it had taken him by such a surprise, the force of the blow caused him to fall backward and smack his head on the bookcase. Which is why, despite the fact Jim was no longer a boy, he still felt nervous every time there was not a desk between them.  
‘You were always a disappointment as a son,’ said Sir George, as he continued to pace up and down, ‘too much like your mother. Always walking around in a daydream, with your head in the clouds. Honestly, Lily was more used to me than you, at least she was not always being reprimanded for drawing in her work books. In many ways, despite my misgivings at the time, it was a blessing really you choose the army over a career in government. I would not have to live with the constant fear that you will humiliate at me in front of my inferiors. At least with you in the army, I just have to handle rumours that I can quite easily nip in the bud,’  
‘Rumours?’ replied Jim, quickly, his eyes flashing up at his father, before looking away as Sir George stopped his pacing and decided to once again come and stand in front of his son, ‘I can assure you, father, that I am the best of soldiers,’  
‘Oh I know you are and do not look so worried, James, I have heard nothing but praise said about you, boy,’ said Sir George, his face in neutral and showing no signs of having pride in his son. However, his eyes had briefly left Jim and were looking at the windows of the drawing room and noting that Jamie watching them, ‘and you are still only a Captain and yet your friend a Major,’  
‘It is the way the army works, father,’ answered Jim, trying once again to look at his father, ‘and Jamie has more experience than I, but I swear to you father, I swear on poor mother’s grave that I will not disappoint you. I will do my duty, father, I will do you proud,’  
‘Mmm, just see that you do,’ muttered Sir George, looking back at his son as he took another puff on his cigar pausing for a moment, before once again speaking, ‘that Eugenie seems a sweet girl. Be sure to keep your promise to her and write to her,’  
‘Yes sir,’ replied Jim, trying not to show puzzlement at his father’s words or the fear that he might have guessed the secrets that Jim tried to keep hidden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thank you to everyone who read the first chapter and for the lovely reviews from Splix and AnnaCipactli12. Hope everyone enjoys this chapter.
> 
> This chapter has been split in two as it was getting rather too long-hopefully will post second part soon. The title and Jamie's grandmother's speech is from Leviticus 20:24 and Leviticus 20:26.
> 
> (Also should have said in first chapter, but the title of this story comes from the song After the War by Paul Gross and David Keeley. It is the theme song from the film Passchendaele)


	3. Land of Milk and Honey (Part Two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the dinner party and Jamie and Jim speak about the future.

‘What did your father want?’ asked Jamie as they drove back to barracks. Jim had been back to his normal self once he was had returned to the safety of the house and had continued to listen to Eugenie’s endless chatter with a smile. But Jamie had saw how his friend had been when talking with his father, even if he had been watching from the safety of the window, he could see that Jim was still in fear of the man, especially as Jim had sat throughout the car journey in silence.  
‘Just to remind me of my duty,’ answered Jim, still looking out of the window and watching the familiar countryside go by, ‘the usual talks of father’s. Helena seemed nice,’  
‘I do not think she is quite what my mother thought she’d be,’ replied Jamie, looking over to his friend, ‘she thought the Kaiser was our ally! Seems Brigadier Beckett does not think its important to educate his daughters,’  
‘Poor girl,’  
‘Well Elizabeth wants to be a doctor,’ interrupted Charlie with a smile, ‘she plans to go to Oxford and everything,’  
‘She seemed nice too,’ replied Jim, still looking out the window, ‘hopefully her parents and the war will not destroy her dreams,’  
‘Oh Jim,’ laughed Charlie, looking over at his friend, ‘you really are the most hopeless soldier sometimes. It’s a good thing you were not at Agincourt! You know it will be all over by Christmas, once we teach the Kaiser a lesson, so cease your worrying,’  
‘Or alternatively it could be us that’s taught a lesson,’ said Jim, looking over at Charlie as the car came to a halt outside the barracks, ‘do you not think Charlie that there are men in Germany who are convinced that they are going to teach Britain and her Empire a lesson in manners. They are sat in cars, like us Charlie, having been given the same talks as we have just listened too, all thinking that God is on their side and that it is us that will take the beating,’   
‘You know, Jim,’ sighed Charlie, shaking his head from side to side, ‘I do not understand how you can be your father’s son? I have never known two members of the same family to be so contrastingly different,’  
‘Perhaps Charlie,’ replied Jim, quietly as he opened the car door, ‘the reason is, is that I know what men like my father are like. In the defence of this great land of milk and honey, to borrow Jamie’s grandmother’s words, the men who are on the ground become nothing more than mere statics on their papers in Whitehall. When those who rule have their minds set on the greater glory of the Empire, the human cost means little to them. Do not think for one moment Charlie, my father’s mind was on the rape of Belgium when he and others were persuading Asquith to lead this country to war, because believe me, he has wept no tears for them,’   
Charlie went to reply, but a quick look from Jamie told him that it was best to remain silent. Besides, he was not entirely sure how to reply to Jim when he was in moods like this, especially as Jim’s words reminded Charlie of all the fears he had. Charlie did not want to die under any circumstance in Europe, in fact he was no overly keen on dying at all. When Charlie had agreed with parents plans to send him to Sandhurst, he had done so as he knew he would have had no future in his father’s world of banking. The army was simply a career, a position in life for Charlie, it was not a way of life and death. Until recently it never full occurred to Charlie that he might die in the line of duty, but he found could easy his fears about their being sent to France by reminding himself that he was being sent there to fight a just cause. The Kaiser and his men needed to be held to account for the horror they had inflicted on poor Belgium after all, not to mention what they could do here if given the chance. He had read the reports in the papers and those girls mentioned as being left ravaged on the blood-soaked Flemish soil could easily be Effy or Connie- and he’s father had always taught him that it was Charlie’s job to protect the girls. Charlie then did not want to hear of any shades of grey, even from Jim, because then it would mean he was being placed in the line of fire for a much less noble cause and one that did not ease his fears.  
‘You could always marry Eugenie,’ Charlie said after a long pause, trying to once again sound cheerful as he followed Jim and Jamie out of the car, ‘you would have something to look forward to when we come home and would have a future to start planning,’  
‘Charlie…’ Jim started, but as his friend’s name tumbled out of his mouth, Jim found he was at a loss at what to say. He knew Charlie would not be easily put off by his excuses of he making a useless husband, for Jim knew that Charlie would never understand why no man would not want someone as sweet and kind as Eugenie for a wife. Besides Jim himself was not really able to explain his reasons, for he was not even sure he fully understood them. But before he had to explain himself, Jamie thankfully interrupted.   
‘Why don’t we see if we can get a drink before turning in?’ voiced Jamie, clapping his hands together as he tried to alter the mood of the conversation, ‘I am sure someone must still be about,’  
‘You two go ahead,’ answered Jim, with one of his sad smiles, ‘I don’t really feel up to it tonight,’

 

‘You know, I do not understand why Jim just does not just marry Eugenie,’ said Charlie, handing Jamie one of the poured drinks that a private had fetched for them before retiring for the night, ‘she is such a sweet girl,’  
‘Maybe that’s the reason,’ answered Jamie, staring down at the amber liquid, his mind drifting slightly but to where he was not sure, ‘that she is just a girl,’  
‘I know she is still young,’ continued Charlie, taking a sip of his drink as he sat down in the chair across from Jamie, ‘and I know she seems silly at times, but she was remarkable with Connie and Effy when they visited. She succeeded whether mother and countless nannies over the years have failed, in stopping them from murdering each other. Even my father, when he is there, struggles to keep the peace between them, but Eugenie had them smiling and all chatting pleasantly together. Personally, I think your cousin would make an excellent wife and mother,’  
‘Oh I do not doubt that. Eugenie may act the fool, but she is cleverer than what she lets on and has learnt more from mother than what grandmother thinks,’ said Jamie, taking a sip of whiskey. Despite the fact he did find his cousin a nuisance a times, he would never deny that she had intelligence and had been a brightening presence in their usually gloomy home, but it did not mean that he wished Jim to do as everyone else thought he should and marry the girl. Though he would occasionally mention the prospect to Jim, it was mainly out of the fact that it would mean having Jim around more often, rather than Jamie thinking that Eugenie would be right for Jim, ‘you could always marry her, Charlie?’  
‘I think your poor cousin is too sweet on Jim to ever consider me,’ replied Charlie, taking a sip of drink and for a moment there was silent as he thought on the prospect that would never be. He had liked Eugenie from the very first moment he had met her. Charlie had always found her a very sweet girl and a complete contradiction to the rest of the Stewart clan, but since her last visit on that day that news of war had reached them, he could not help but notice she was changing into a very beautiful young woman. Unfortunately for Charlie as she had grown, Eugenie had not outgrown her childhood infatuation with Jim, ‘no, only but Jim for her,’  
‘And what if he does not want her?’ said Jamie, taking an even deeper gulp of whisky, ‘Jim will not hurt her feelings, but he will not make her miserable by giving into my mother’s demands,’  
‘That a maybe,’ continued Charlie, forcing the cheer once again in his voice, ‘but who knows what awaits us once we go to war? Jim might be glad of someone waiting for him on the other side of the Channel, once this thing gets going,’  
‘Well possibly,’ sighed Jamie, looking once again at the liquid in his glass, swirling it around in the tumbler before polishing off the drink, hoping it was ease that random tug of pain that he suddenly felt in his heart, ‘but as Grey said “the lamps are going out all over Europe” when this is over, we could be coming home to a very different world,’  
‘Does that mean you will marry Helena then?’ chuckled Charlie, taking a sip of his drink as he watched his friend serious face change to one of laughter. 

 

Jamie knew where he would find Jim, when he saw that he was not in his bedroom. Quietly, he creped out of the barracks and down towards the stables and seeing the light in one of the windows, he saw his guess had been right. He knew Jim well enough to know he would always sketch when he needed time to relax or help him made sense of the world around him. Jamie also knew from experience that when people needed time to understand the world, they did not want people around them. They only want those around that would never judge them.   
Quietly, Jamie stood in the doorway of the stables and watched his friend, who was sat on a small stool and sketching the horse he had brought off a farmer in Devon. Standing there silently, Jamie remembered as he watched Jim carefully scratch at the paper he had balanced on his crossed legs, how he used to hide in the family stables when he was a boy. He had not drawn-Jamie was useless at drawing-instead he would just sit next to his horse Arthur and talk about all those subjects that mother forbade from being discussed in the house and the tears that they were not allowed to be shed for Jamie’s father. For a long time Jamie had thought he was the only one, it was only later when he had found his brother Guy reading Treasure Island to his horse that Jamie understood that he was not alone in doing this.  
‘Do you miss you home, Joey?’ asked Jim suddenly, putting down his pencil and paper on the table by the window, before approaching Joey and stroking him on the neck, ‘I am sure you must. Albert clearly loves you. I am sorry that I have taken you away from him and from your home. Can I tell you a secret, Joey? I never miss what was my home, not now my mother is dead and Lily is gone, but then I don’t think I have ever missed home, even when they were both there and I was sent away to school. It was simply a relief to be away from father and his comments. School was home, then Sandhurst and now here. Its strange really with me finding a home here, given that despite what Jamie says, I am a poor excuse for a soldier,’  
‘You should really listen to your company’s Major, Captain Nicholls,’ said Jamie, causing Jim to jump slightly as he made his present’s known, ‘you may be easy to take unaware, but you have one thing that many supposed good soldiers lack-the ability to know right from wrong and empathy with the men. My father was good at empathy and do not say it, Jim,’  
‘What do you mean, Major Stewart,’ laughed Jim, his face genuinely lighting up in a manner that always made Jamie smile.  
‘That if he was that way inclined, then why did he marry my mother,’  
‘Well I was wondering,’ smiled Jim, but then one again turned slightly sad, ‘but then my mother was the kindest person I have ever met and yet she married father,’  
‘Sometimes circumstance force people to do the most extraordinary things,’ answered Jamie, putting a hand briefly on his friend’s shoulder, ‘and things we would not necessary do,’   
‘Money is usually the driving force I find. It was why my mother’s family pushed her to marry father,’  
‘And why my uncle married auntie Lizzie. There is a lot of money in American steel you know? Much more than there is in the English aristocracy,’ continued Jamie, walking away from the stall to where Topthorn was stabled, ‘I know that is why your father is pushing the match-I am sure he would not suffer Eugenie and that scandal of a mother of her’s otherwise,’  
‘No…I am sure he would not,’ said Jim, very distantly as he moved back to where he had left his sketches, ‘tell me truthfully Jamie, do you honestly think it will be over by Christmas?’  
‘If we can strike fast enough, then we should be able to make a lasting impact,’ replied Jamie, briefly in his Major’s voice, ‘but if you want an honest answer Jim, two nations both with the same temperament of Anglo-Saxon pride clashing,  
is not going to make for a short, sharp conflict,’  
‘You say that with such calm,’ said Jim, looking over at Jamie, his blue eyes wide ‘I wish I could have your calm acceptance of things,’  
‘Do not wish to be more like me, Jim. My path was settled before I had even arrived in the nursery. I know what this life has in store for me. Anyhow, I thought we agreed we were going to get through this together,’  
‘I think my father would rather I did not or at least I will come through it and be the man he wants me to be,’   
‘But you are not your father Jim. You are your own man and the best of men,’ said Jamie, with a smile, ‘and you are worth more than this place. You know your drawings are really rather good, maybe after the war you could make a life and living for yourself in Bloomsbury,’  
‘You want rid of me then,’  
‘Now you know that is not true,’ replied Jamie with hurt in his voice. Of all the people in Jamie’s life, Jim was the one that he knew he could always count on and the only one Jamie needed by his side, for Jim was the only one who could get him through the turmoil of life. Perhaps it was because Jamie felt that Jim, unlike his family, truly understood him and the only one he could talk too. The thought then of his closest friend no longer being a near constant filled him with dread but Jamie was also very aware that he was not Jim’s keeper and that there would be a time when he would be forced to let him go.   
'And what about you,' said Jim, still looking at Jamie, holding his sketch pad to his chest, 'whilst I am living this artist life in Bloomsbury, what about you, Jamie?'  
'No need to worry about me ,' continued Jamie, patting Topthorn, 'Britain will always be in need of an army, perhaps after the war more than ever. Despite what my mother and your father thinks, I think the war will give those in the Empire the push they need to breakaway and those in London will not let that happen without a fight. That is even more wretched when you think about it,'  
'Fighting together, then against,' sighed Jim, as he came to stand beside him, 'you know, you do not need to stay in the army,'  
'What would my mother say?' laughed Jamie, turning towards Jim, 'besides, I am not like you. What would I do?'  
'Come to Bloomsbury with me,' smiled Jim, putting a hand on Jamie’s shoulder, 'we will find something for you to do,'   
‘I am too much of a Tory for that kind of life,' replied Jamie, his voice with a hint of sadness as he patted Jim on the back, regretting that he knew he could not follow Jim, 'it’s the army for me. Besides, India is a suitable distance away from my mother,'  
'But miles from London,' sighed Jim, looking up a Jamie, before an idea struck him, 'I could come with you. It would be an adventure to say the least,'  
'You know you want to leave as soon as possible Jim, do not prolong it for my sake,' answered Jamie, gently taking Jim’s sketch pad from him and studying the pictures of Joey as Jamie inwardly cursed himself for having no talent, 'I could not rob the world of your gifts anymore. Besides you will still have Charlie. I am sure his mother will order him home once we are out of France,'  
‘Of course,’ grinned Jim, turning away and stroking Topthorn, before moving on to Joey, who had strained his neck over the fence, jealous of his new master's attention being elsewhere. However, as he patted Joey, Jim inwardly reflected that despite his friendship with Charlie, it was not the same as it was with Jamie.  
'Jim ?'  
'Sorry,' answered Jim, looking back over at Jamie with a smile forced back on his face, 'I was just thinking about the lad who is Joey's actual owner. Do you know the poor lad was so upset that he actually lied about his age so he could volunteer to be with Joey? Is that not extraordinary?'  
'Well,' said Jamie, returning to his earlier thoughts, 'sometimes people find it easier to confine in their animals as sometimes people cannot live up to society's expectations of them. Its a lonely world when one would rather sit alone in the stables than around the dining table with one’s family,'  
'Jamie...' started Jim, but as he watched his friend once again study his sketches, he changed his mind about the speech he was about to make. After all there was a million reasons why someone would feel lonely in this suffocating and demanding world. Jamie's tyrannical mother and grandmother was enough for anyone to seek solitude in the stables rather than join the family party. Jim knew that feeling well enough, but all the same as he knew he could not be sure that Jamie shared the same feelings as him, 'it's getting late, Major. Maybe we should turn in,'  
'Yes,' replied Jamie, turning to Jim with a smile, 'quite right. We would not want to be court-martialled so soon to departure! God that would mean Charlie would be in charge of the men! Can you imagine?!'  
'Yes!' smiled Jim, joining in with Jamie's laughter, 'yes I can!'

 

'Do you know,' said Jamie as they made their way across the gravel as they headed to the barracks, 'I think you might have competition for my cousin? Charlie seems very taken with Eugenie- can for the life of me think why?'  
'Thats because you just see her as your cousin, the annoying girl who would constantly follow you around and who you would constantly complain to me about. The poor girl!' chuckled Jim, scuffing his shoes on the gravel as he did so, 'but I have to say, I think her and Charlie would make a rather good pair,'  
'I think Charlie thinks so too,' smiled Jamie, noticing how Jim seemed more brighter, his blue eyes once again seeming bright in the starlight. He liked it when Jim was his happy, charming self as it made Jamie feel more at ease with himself and better about all his faults, 'only Eugenie will not see it as she is too taken with you. I warned you not to indulge her on your visits but you would not listen to me,'  
'I hardly had any choice in the matter,' laughed Jim, words escaping his mouth, 'it's not as if I could have danced with you!'  
'I can see my mother and grandmother's faces,' grinned Jamie, and deciding they had time for a cigarette, he stopped briefly to light two, offering Jim one, 'actually that would probably be the end of grandmother. After that business with auntie Lizzie, she claimed she went blind for a whole year,'  
'Yes I can imagine,' said Jim with a quiet sigh, taking the lit cigarette, 'not to mention my father ringing my neck if he heard,'  
'And if your father did that,' answered Jamie, flicking away some ash from his cigarette, 'then I would ring his,’  
‘I think that is nicest thing anyone has ever said to me,’ replied Jim, with a bit more cheer and a lopsided grin, as he took a drag on his cigarette and thought back on all those times as a boy when he had been forced to meet his father’s friends. He was not sure, whether it was just Jamie’s words or something else, but Jim suddenly found he could laugh at the memory of being dressed in his best clothes and his hair combed into the style of his father’s. Older Jim could now smile at the talks his father would give him, deploring him to be the perfect son, only to see it fail as the young Jim would constantly wander back to his mother or to the ink and paper and start doodling. Even the aftermath could not stop Jim from repeating the action the next time, ‘you should have seen the amount of energy my father put in into trying to turn me into the perfect son,’  
‘Well I am glad he failed,’ smiled Jamie, taking a final drag on his cigarette before tossing it to the ground, ‘my mother and grandmother were same, especially after father died, they drilled us and drilled us until we were the perfect military unit, ready for the day when we will be needed to answer our country’s call,’  
‘Just swear to me you will never make the ultimate sacrifice,’ said Jim, his voice once again serious as he grab hold of his friend’s arm, gripping it tightly as if in fear that he could lose Jamie at any moment, ‘their land of milk and honey is really not worth dying for,’  
‘It is when you know no other life, Jim. I am not like you, I am not as free as you or brave. I am too entrenched in their way of life to contemplate a world that is not it,’ answered Jamie, his voice surprisingly light, until he felt the pressure of his friend’s hand on his arm. Looking up, Jamie came face to face with Jim and his bright, but sad blue eyes, feeling his heart jump in pain. He did not want to die, but he did not fear death. From the moment he could talk and walk he had been taught everyday that there was nothing more honourable than laying down your life for your King and Country. His mother had constantly read to them the letter sent to her, by his father’s batman describing his father’s death in great detail as it was the perfect example of the heroic death all British men were expected to follow. Jaime had hated it at first, but after a time it had just become part of who he was and who he had to be. But seeing Jim, his handsome face, pleading with him not to die for the cause, ignited in Jamie a fear-a fear that death would separate him from Jim forever, ‘but it is no matter. As we are going to get through this together,’  
‘Good,’ said Jim, letting go with a smile once again on his lips. He knew what awaited them in France was outside their control, but he could take comfort in the fact Jamie was not eagerly wanting to embrace the cold steel of death, ‘then after the war, we can find a place for you in Bloomsbury,’  
In the near darkness they once again looked straight at each other, before breaking the silence with laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thank you to everyone. Hope you all enjoyed.


	4. Til the boys come home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to say goodbye

'Mother says all French women are whores and she should know,' sobbed Eugenie as she stood with Guy's fiancée Evie on the platform of Waterloo station, bidding her cousin and his friends goodbye, 'promise me you will stay away from them, Jim,'  
'I...,' gasped Jim, completely speechless at Eugenie words and trying his best not to laugh and hurt the young girl's feelings, 'I do not know what you mean,'  
'Well they are prostitutes and mother says all men visit the brothels when they are in Paris!'  
'Oh dear God, Eugenie,' snapped Jamie, doing his best to try and remain the perfect soldier in front of the men but his cousin was once again pushing his patience, 'leave Jim be! Do you not remember my mother telling you to think before you speak?!'  
'Of course I do!' answered Eugenie, her cheeks going red, 'I was just trying to be helpful'  
'I do not even know why you are here,' muttered Jamie, in away that caused Jim and Evie to smile but Eugenie to scowl, causing deep frown lines to appear on her young face, 'I thought we said our goodbyes at the dinner party,'  
'Well I wanted to make sure Jim got away safely,' replied Eugenie, tapping her foot hard on the platform, 'and for some silly reason, I actually wanted to make sure you got away safely too, cousin!'  
'Oh,' said Jamie, slightly startled by his cousin's reply, 'then I am touched,'  
'So you should be!'  
'Captain Nicholls,' said Evie, in a low voice to Jim, so that Jamie and Eugenie could not hear as they both walked sightly away down the platform, 'Guy sent me a letter the other day and he asked me to give you this note,'  
Jim smiled as he took the small folded paper from the young smartly dressed woman. He had always like Jamie's younger brother, Guy as he was quite unlike the rest of the family. Maybe it was because the youngest member of the Stewart clan had done the unthinkable and had joined the navy, rather than the army, that it had made him extremely laid back and took life very much in its stride. He was a massive contradiction to Donald and Richard, who Jim found rather cold and serious-the perfect products of Lady Stewart's parenting skills.   
"Captain Nicholls" read the note in a hastily written hand, "for the fondness you bear my brother, please bring him home alive to me"  
'Please,' Evie continued as Jim looked up from the note, 'he's the only one Guy can speak too. He is the only one in his family he can trust,'  
Jim tried not to drop the note as he read it through once more, trying not to picture the event that Guy was pleading with him to prevent. It was the thing that he feared more so than his own demise. But at the same time, Jim seemed to find a new determination and strength, that he had to get his closest friend home to England alive and not in a box wrapped in the Union Jack.   
'Tell him that I give my word,' said Jim seriously, staring straight into Evie's pleading eyes as he folded the paper and put it in his breast pocket, 'I will bring him home,'  
'Thank you,' smiled Evie with a nod of her head, 'thank you,'  
'I say,' interrupted Charlie, joining the group with his weeping mother holding on to his arm as an harassed nanny in the background tried to stop Effy and Connie from fighting, 'I have a feeling it's time for us to board,'  
Charlie indicated with a nod of his head for Jim and Jamie, who joined the group with Eugenie holding on to his arm, to look around the platform and notice how all the other soldiers were starting to disappear on to the waiting train.  
'Well,' said Jamie, trying to sound every inch the Major as he spoke, 'I guess it time we joined the men,'  
'Right,' agreed Charlie, trying to sound upbeat as he turn to face his mother, 'I guess this is goodbye, mother, I will see you in a few months. Effy and Connie, please behave yourselves whilst I am away,'  
As Charlie's mother responded by giving her son another teary hug, Effy and Connie replied to their brother by sticking their tongues out at him.  
'I know you think I am silly,' said Eugenie as she turned to give Jamie a hug goodbye, 'but I do care about you. You are at the only one in that dreary house who will take me horse riding, so please comeback in one piece,'  
'I have every intention of coming back in one piece, Eugenie,' smiled Jamie, patting his cousin on the head gently as he was not entirely sure how to respond to her vice like hug. Eugenie was the only member of the family, who perhaps given her American mother, that would practice such a ritual, not even when he had been a boy had Jamie got a hug from his mother, 'now why don't you go and help Mrs Waverley with her daughters,'  
Eugenie pulled away, drying the rest of her tears on the back of her hand, before putting on a smile as she turned to Charlie's sisters, who were once again pushing and shoving each other.  
'Come on girls,' she rallied, taking hold of both the girls hands, 'wave goodbye to your brother like the good sisters I know you are and then maybe you can come with me and Evie to Gunter's for tea and cake!'  
'Bye Charlie,' they suddenly cried in unison as they waved, 'we'll miss you!'  
Charlie laughed as he waved back, smiling at Eugenie before turning and boarding the train.   
'I want you two to promise me,' wept Mrs Waverley as she turned and embraced both Jim and Jamie, catching them both unaware, 'promise me you will bring my son home alive to me,'  
Both Jim and Jamie nodded as she pulled away, slightly taken aback by the usually quiet and shy woman's actions. Mrs Waverley managed a small smile through her tears showing her appreciation before going to join her daughters.  
'Come Jim,' said Jamie as he saw that they were the only ones in uniform still on the platform, 'I think it's time for the off,'  
'Oh Jim,' wailed Eugenie, breaking the recent show of Stewart metal as she ran back up to Jim and threw her arms around his waist, 'please be careful! Please write to me! I'll wait for you and then we can get married when you come home,'  
'I...'  
'Eugenie!'  
'Jim! Jim!' suddenly came aloud cry from across the platform, 'Jim, please wait! Wait!'  
Everyone turned to look and saw a young woman appear through the crowds with a slightly older woman, dressed in a nanny's uniform following behind her carrying a bundle. She was dressed smartly, but it was clear from the redness of her cheeks and the loopsided nature of her hat, that she had made the journey to Waterloo in a rush.  
'Lily!' shouted Jim, slightly shocked as he ran to greet her, 'Lily what on earth are you doing here?! Robert said you were still not well enough to travel,'  
'Oh pish, what does Robert know?!' cried Lily, hugging her brother tightly and causing her very expensive hat to nearly tumble on to the platform, 'I could not let my big brother go without saying a proper goodbye. Come, I want you to meet someone!'  
Pulling away, she gestured for the other woman to come forward, taking the wriggling bundle out her hands as she did so.   
'Adelaide,' she said, unwrapping the layers to reveal a little baby with a smattering of blonde hair and large blue eyes, 'I want you to meet your uncle Jim,'  
'Lily,' said Jim, completely struck but still managing a wide smile as he carefully took his niece from his sister, 'she is beautiful! She looks just like you and mother,'  
'Don't be silly, I take too much after father,' replied Lily, tears starting to appear in her eyes, 'oh dear, I promised myself I would not cry! She has her uncle's eyes, I think,'  
'Jim, I am sorry,' interrupted Jamie, gently tapping him on the arm, 'but we really need to be going,'  
'Oh of course,' said Jim, his voice slightly broken as he carefully handed Adelaide back to her mother, 'take care of your mother for me Adelaide, I will be home in no time to see you both and then I can take you on lots of adventures around London,'  
Jamie felt his heart break as he watched Jim say goodbye to his sister and her child. He seemed like such a natural with the baby, that it felt horrible to be the one causing the separation.   
'Well,' said Jim, try to smile, 'we better be on our way then, Major Stewart,'  
The two of them turn to make their way to their carriage as in the distance the military band started to play.   
'Major Stewart,' said Lily softly as she grabbed hold of Jamie's arm and juggling her baby daughter, she thrusted a piece of paper in his hand, 'good luck,'  
'Thank you,' answered Jamie with a nodded before turning to join Jim as the music from the band became louder and they heard what was becoming a familiar tune play.  
"Keep the Home Fires Burning,  
While your hearts are yearning.  
Though your lads are far away  
They dream of home.  
There's a silver lining  
Through the dark clouds shining,  
Turn the dark cloud inside out  
'Til the boys come home."

 

Jamie looked around the compartment in the first class carriage at his fellow officers. Charlie was sat in front of him, talking animatedly to Lieutenant Briggs, who nodded quietly along to his words. Whilst next to Charlie sat Lieutenant Peters, who just stared at his unread copy of a The Daily Telegraph that was sat on his lap and next to Jamie sat Captain Matthews, whose hands furiously shuffled a deck of cards. Jamie knew the thoughts that they were trying to hide from the rest as it was the same reasons he found himself itching for a cigarette; that they were all nervous and scared about what awaited then over the Channel.   
Deciding not to fight it, Jamie went to light a cigarette but as he did so, he found he still had the unread note from Lily in his hand. Seeing that Jim was staring out of the window at the English countryside, Jamie carefully opened it.   
"For the love you and my brother share, please bring him home alive to me"  
Jamie read the note several times, feeling his stomach tie itself in knots before turning to look at Jim. Jim was still staring out the window, his blonde head resting against the glass as trees whizzed by. Jamie knew he needed to get them all back to Blighty in one piece as well as himself, but as he watch his closest friend daydream about the world they were leaving behind, Jamie realised something else. That no matter what state England would be in when they returned-even an England where Jim would marry Eugenie-Jamie had to make sure Jim came home in one piece. In silence, Jamie swore to himself, that even if it meant having to break his word and come home in a box, Jim had to live, because the world with out him would be worthless.   
'I say,' said Jamie, interrupting Jim's thoughts as he too started to look out the window, flinching at the sun and putting a hand on his friend's shoulder as he did so, 'aren't we lucky that the English weather has decided not to give us its traditional send off of rain clouds,'  
With a smile, Jim looked over at him, before bursting out with laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thank you to everyone and hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	5. And Life Lay Out All Uncertainly Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The build-up to the charge

Jim was surprised by how tranquil and peaceful France was as he looked around the countryside of Quiévrechain. It was late evening and the sun was setting, and the area was so silent. The trees still had their leaves and were still that late summer green, whilst the surrounding fields were full of crops waiting to be harvested. If it was not for the occasional whisper of French, Jim would have sworn that they were still on English soil. However, Jim was more than aware that it was most certainly a different situation across the border in Belgium. He had seen the refugees from the small European state in large numbers at Waterloo and on the docks both side of the Channel and there was no deny it was heart-breaking sight. Elderly couples in a state of confusion, women of all ages trying to smile for their children, despite the pain on their strained faces and the tears on the cheeks of the little children-each one reminding him of little Adelaide. But it was seeing this that helped Jim find some resolution that he would do his duty and more importantly find the strength to make it home with his friends.  
'I am quite relieved to see that you no longer looking green, Major Stewart,' smiled Jim, as Jamie came to join him as he sat by the camp fire, 'you had me worried,'  
'Be careful, Nicholls,' answered Jamie seriously as he sat down next to his friend, ‘do you want to see this out in a military prison?’  
‘I was only voicing my relief that my commanding officer had recovered from his bout of seasickness,’ replied Jim, still with a smile as he glanced briefly back a Jamie, whose cheeks had started to go red, ‘as I said, you had me worried. I have never seen anyone go green so soon after walking on board ship as you did. The seafaring genes must have missed you, Major Stewart and gone straight to Guy,’  
‘Actually I think you will find that Guy was the worst of the lot,’ said Jamie, his eyes staring straight ahead, but his mouth started to twitch into a small smile, ‘it was only by sheer determination to prove mother and grandmother wrong, that he overcame it,’  
‘I think your mother would be enough scare anyone into overcoming their fears,’ laughed Jim, staring first at the flames, before letting his eyes wandering up to the stars that were starting to appear in the sky, ‘you know, I had a letter from Eugenie waiting for me when we arrived,’  
‘Really,’ gasped Jamie, surprised by the shock this revelation gave him, before trying to regain his composure, ‘but then my mother likes to think she runs the British Army. So what does my cousin have to say for herself? Gunter’s run out éclairs?’  
‘Do not be too hard on the poor girl,’ smiled Jim, turning to Jamie, ‘she sends you her love and hopes you are well. She mentions that your mother has got her helping out with various charities and has her organizing a tea dance for the Red Cross,’  
‘Mother has her busy then,’ muttered Jamie, staring straight ahead, watching as a group of men started a five-a-side kick-a-bout, debating whether or not he should put a halt to such proceedings, given that the charge would more than likely be tomorrow. But he decided to let them be and let them have their fun-it was what his father would have done. After all, despite all Jamie’s outward confidence, even he was not sure what they would face when the time came for them to meet the enemy. Besides, he was also well aware that by entertaining such thoughts, he was trying to block the other feelings that were dancing around his head, ‘and did she mention anything else?’  
‘She is young,’ sighed Jim, once again looking up at the stars, hoping that the heavens had the answer, ‘and still has schoolgirl's dreams. Do you know Eugenie has even started writing to Lily?’  
‘No, I did not,’ answered Jamie, ‘ but it is probably only with my mother’s encouragement,’  
‘Or my father’s,’ added Jim, as he took his beaten old cigarette case from his pocket and tried to force open the clasp, ‘I have a feeling he has already booked St Margaret’s ready for my return,’  
‘Well at least its not the Abbey,’ smiled Jamie, hiding the turmoil he was starting to fear inside as he watched Jim struggle to force open the silver case, ‘I say, do you not think its time you replaced that old thing?’  
‘It still does the job,’ grinned Jim as he finally forced the clasp opening, offering Jamie a cigarette from it, which he eagerly took, ‘why, you offering to buy me one for Christmas?’  
‘If it means I get my cigarette quicker,’ replied Jamie, lighting his cigarette before lighting Jim’s, ‘I’ll buy you one for everyday of the year!’  
Both of them laughed in between puffs of smoke as they both forgot the slightly serious nature of their conversation and the utter seriousness of the situation they were about to face. Neither were entirely sure what was worst; Eugenie being led astray into trying to snare Jim or the thought of facing the enemy. Neither wanted to admit the situation with Jamie’s cousin was both causing them uneasy as it became clear that many back in England assumed that their marriage was a done deal. Jim knew his father well enough to know that he was probably manipulating the young woman’s feelings. He also knew that the seemingly unbreakable hold that the most powerful man in Whitehall had over him. Jim knew this was much more difficult than simply having to break the heart of an innocent girl, for he would then have to face the wrath of his father too. He cursed himself for his inability to stand up to him but on the times when Jim had tried, his father's way with words had got him into a muddle and things had never gone to plan. Even Jim’s decision to go Sandhurst, his father had somehow turned it so it seemed that it was all his idea. Jim was worried then that he would find away into being talked or even tricked into a marriage that he did not want.  
'Well,' sighed Jamie, rubbing the side of his temple with his free hand as he spoke, 'given the present situation, you might feel differently once we return to England,'  
'Thats a nice thought,' replied Jim with a sad little laugh, looking down at the soil, 'but sadly it's not one that will ever come into fruition, I'm afraid. Eugenie is a sweet girl but not the one for me. I will just have to find a way to let her down gently and avoid my father's wrath at the same time,'  
'I think you are asking for the impossible there Jim,' replied Jamie, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder. He hated to say it but he could really not see a way out that was not going to end in confrontation or heartache but then deep down all outs comes of the situation seemed to bring Jamie some form of pain, 'I wish I could say it will be easy,'  
'Perhaps, I could say I was in love with someone else,' said Jim once again with a little laugh, looking over briefly at Jamie as he spoke, before looking away as he took a drag on his cigarette, 'but then I don't think love is an emotion that my father acknowledges,'  
'I do not think it an emotion that sits easily alongside duty,' replied Jamie, in a distant voice as he took a long puff on his cigarette before discarding it on the ground, 'the production of bastards are testament to this-just ask Donald's shopgirl in Charing Cross,'  
'Is he still seeing her?'  
'He swore to Victoria no,' continued Jamie, taking two cigarettes from his own pocket, offering Jim one, who declined, 'but as he wrote, asking me for money as she is expecting again, I can assume he still is,'  
'Oh what a tangle web we weave,' sighed Jim, 'duty does make life rather complicated,'  
'Its best to choose one over the other,' replied Jamie, lighting his cigarette, 'I have watched Donald and Richard with his many gambling debts, struggle to balance both and I know I do not want to face the same fate,'  
Jim was silent for a moment as he watched Jamie take a few drags on his cigarette, wondering what to make of his words. Jim had seen first hand the damage following a life of complete duty had done. His father's obsession with duty, had seen him drop whatever affection he had felt for his mother, sister and him, making Jim swear at an early age that he would never be that way. But Jim also understood the difficult nature of trying to incorporate a life that followed both the head and the heart, especially as the life he dreamed of was one that completely contradicted the rule of law and God.  
'I suppose we could always encourage Charlie into asking her,' continued Jamie, finishing off his cigarette, 'I am sure if we both sung his praises to Eugenie loud enough, she would soon say yes,'  
'At least his mother would be relieved to have a calming influence on the twins,' laughed Jim, shaking the thoughts to the back of his mind-after all, it was a life that could not be, 'talk of the devil,'  
'I say,' greeted Charlie, appearing through the football match and joining them, 'what are you two conspiring?'  
'We are just planning your life, Charlie,' smiled Jim as he moved to let Charlie sit, 'I think we have sorted you out from cradle to the grave. A kind and pretty wife and lots of beautiful children,'  
'And a career in father's business,' interrupted Jamie, 'not in the finance and banking side of course but in the export and imports side,'  
'I think you will find that it's all interlinked and I have absolutely no head for numbers!' replied Charlie taken a back by everything, 'I say I don't suppose I can have a cigarette?!'  
'Here,' offered Jamie, handing Charlie a cigarette and a light, 'have mine, we'll be old men by the time Jim gets that beaten case of his open,'  
'I slightly resent that!'  
'And what will you two being doing whilst I am playing happy family's?' asked Charlie, taking a drag on his cigarette, 'have you finally married Eugenie, Jim? Or have you two decided to grow old together?'  
All laughed, both Jim and Jamie hiding a sense of unease at Charlie's remarks and all hiding the sense of worry that God might not have a future in store for them.

****  
‘Jamie,’ called Jim, as the two of them left Sergeant-Major Singh to get ready for the charge that Jamie had decided would be today. Despite the thoughts of those innocent Belgium refugees and the images that anyone of those poor children could easily be little Adelaide, Jim felt completely sick. He had never taken another's life before, and despite the fact that this was war, the thought that those German soldiers had no idea what was about to befall them made his stomach turn even more so-not to mention the fact that they were out number, ‘they have no idea we are coming?’   
'Not having scruples, are we Jim?' answered back Jamie as he put on his brown leather gloves, every inch the Major about to lead his men against the enemy.  
‘No I understand that surprise is everything,’ returned Jim, his voice sounding unsure as he turned to look at his friend and tried to reconciled himself once again with the job he must do, ‘but if it must be done, lets do it quickly,’  
Jamie did not reply, just continued on his way with his back to Jim, leaving him behind to survey the men getting ready to put all their training to the test.  
‘You alright, Charlie?’ asked Jim, noticing that his friend appeared to be staring into space as he held the saddle for his horse in his hands.  
‘Never been better,’ smiled Charlie, coming around from his thoughts and remembering what he was meant to be doing, ‘literally never been better,’  
Jim nodded and went to find Joey, knowing no one would admit what they were truly thinking at that moment in time. He knew Charlie always covered his uncertainties with a smile and a cheer, whilst Jamie would endlessly smoke. Jim knew too that the only way he could cope with the unknown, when not being able to draw, was to simply get on with the task at hand-it had seen him through many a tough time with his father after all.

****  
‘Hey Joey, my bonny boy,’ smiled Jim, as Joey was finally ready for the off, taking the reins as he spoke and looking straight into that magnificent creature’s eyes. However, as Jim looked away to where his sword was sat beside the saddle, ready to be used, he once again felt the uncertainties wash through him. He could be dead within the hour, they all could be and with that whatever futures they had planned, be they actual or simply dreams, they could all be over with one slash of a blade or shot. Even the military ribbons that young Albert had tied to Joey the day they left Devon, was not enough to convince Jim as he re-tied them to Joey’s reins. Biting on his tongue, Jim knew the ribbons were from the British campaigns in Africa and that they were hardly examples of military glories, but at that moment, Jim was prepared to take any protection he could find. Noone deserved death, least of all his friends and the thought of himself having to leave this world without him once having a taste of his dreams, left Jim with a deep burning regret.  
‘A word, Captain Nicholls,’ he suddenly heard Jamie say in his ear, ‘before you worry all the men into desertion,’

***  
'There is nothing wrong with having scruples, Jamie,' said Jim, looking at a small Bible that Jamie had left on his tent's small camp bed, 'if anything you encouraged me to hold onto my principles,'  
'Because they are who you are, Jim,' replied Jamie, trying to ignore the itch inside him that longed for another cigarette, 'and men like your father make the poorest of men and soldiers but Jim you still have to be a soldier,'  
Jim paused from a moment, knowing the difficulty of the situation. Jamie was right, whatever Jim felt about the enemy and the war, he was still first and foremost a soldier. He had been trained for this moment since he arrived at Sandhurst all those years ago and he was fully aware what would happen if he disobeyed orders. He would be disgraced, his father would completely disown him, Lily would shun him and he would not see Jamie again. Even the thought of the worst sentence that the army could lay on him, was not as painful as the thought of his sister and Jamie thinking badly of him.  
'Jamie, surely you do understand what I am saying. I know you have scruples, Jamie and you are the most honourable man I know,' Jim replied with passion, 'remember, I was there in the study the night you refused to help Richard cover up his gambling debts. I was proud of you that night...,'  
'But this isn't some family squabble, Jim, it's war!' answered Jamie quickly before Jim had a chance to stop speaking, 'this is everything! Everything depends on this moment, there is no second chances here! No sympathetic commander, who is willing to overlook a few gambling debts because he was a friend of your father's. Everything is resting on this!'  
'Where is this coming from, Jamie? You swore to me you would not risk it all on some death or glory charge!' replied Jim, his voice strong but managing to suppress a shout, 'we are out number despite what you say,'  
'Jim you are just trying to find fault!' snapped back Jamie, completely at a loss of what to do about his friend's lack of faith, 'I know you find this hard but we have come too far, you need to do your duty!'  
'But what is our duty?' said Jim, with more passion than he had actually intended, 'we both know this no great fight for freedom. We both know that this is a fight between men in government boosting about self-perceived glories!'  
'Oh for God sake, Jim!' roared back Jamie, in a manner that was completely out of character, but he himself was feeling nervous too, despite his outwards confidence. Sandhurst had prepared him for ever eventuality, every battle formation, every military tactic, Jamie knew them all but he also knew that everything he had ever been taught, he had never tested them against an actually enemy. In his head, Jamie had gone over every detail repeatedly and the men knew their places, but Jamie still felt the nerves gathering in the pit of his stomach as the man that he needed at his side, was beginning to voice very strong doubts, ‘it is not our job to question. You are more than aware that duty carries no questions,’  
‘But if I am expected to lay down my life or take another’s then surely it is only right that I understand and believe in the cause,’ replied Jim, slightly taken aback by Jamie’s words, but he could not keep his thoughts to himself anymore, ‘and my friends' lives too...Please do not think me a coward,’  
‘Jim,’ Jamie started, his voice quieter this time as he caught sight of Jim’s bright blue eyes and felt what he guessed was a sense of guilty build up inside him. He understood exactly what Jim was feeling, but for Jamie they were thoughts that he could never entertain himself as they were a complete contradiction of the way he led his life. They were thoughts he would not let anyone normally entertain either-he was not sure he would even let Charlie voice them, ‘Jim, you know I think you are no coward, but now is not the time. Later, when this whole mess is sorted, then we can talk. Just think that although this is a mess and a war none of us thought we would ever be fighting, the sooner we get this thing sorted and Kaiser back in Germany, the sooner we can all return home and the world can change then for the better. Just think of Adelaide…sorry, if it sounds like horrible blackmail,’  
‘No,’ replied Jim, instantly as if he had anticipated Jamie’s words, ‘no it does not. You make perfect sense Jamie, you always do-perhaps more so than me. I only have myself to blame, it was my determination to get away from my father that has lead me to be standing here now, defending his world. Maybe the world will wake up once this horrible business is over but Jamie, I know we all swore to get through this and perhaps it is childish, but I need some form of assurance that we have a future,’  
‘Of course we have a future!’ cried Jamie, with a different kind of passion that saw him forget to rationalize as he grabbed hold of Jim’s arm, ‘I’ll be damned if I am going to see us all go under! Jim you made me swear that I will not follow the path that the men in my family are expected to take, well I cannot get through this without you…and Charlie. We will have those futures, even if mine is perhaps still one rooted in the old world, but I refuse to believe that you do not have one…that we do not have one,’  
‘I mean it you know,’ said Jim carefully as he placed a hand on top of Jamie’s arm, his eyes staring down at them as he spoke, ‘when I said I would follow with you to India. Army or not, I am sure there are many of things I can do,’  
‘Just do not join the Colonial service,’ laughed Jamie, ‘I could not bear you turning into your father,’  
‘I can assure you that that will never happen,’ smiled Jim, looking up and meeting Jamie’s eyes, ‘I think its time for us to go,’  
Jamie smiled back at Jim, both trying to hide the nerves about what they were about to face despite the fact their linked arms were shaking slightly. Outside Jamie could hear the bustle of the men getting things ready for the charge and the sound of the horses’ hooves hard on the dry soil. It was a distant but stark reminder of what Jamie was about to lead them into. He never thought he would agree with Jim’s father, but he found himself praying at that moment, that God was an Englishmen, because then it would mean then that their prayers would certainly be answered.  
‘King and Country calls,’ said Jamie trying to remain smiling as he hoped that Jim would remain always by his side as he realised they would finally have to go. Sensing this, Jamie let go of Jim’s arm and made to move away but as he did so, he found Jim still had hold of him, pulling him back. As he was pull backed, Jamie found that his gaze could not leave Jim's. His bright blue eyes had always had a power over Jamie that he could never explain but it had been that way since the first time they had met at Sandhurst all those years ago. Jamie remembered thinking at the time as he and Jim tried to make conversation in those awkward moments after their first introduction, that he had only been able to pull away because Charlie and his mother had very loudly entered the room. But now things began to become clearer as he felt himself drawn even further to Jim, his eyes seemingly to have him hypnotized as did Jim’s lips, which his mouth warmly welcomed.  
Jim’s lips were not as soft as Jamie imagined they would be-had he ever thought about it? But the rough edge of them made Jamie desire more and he put up no resistance as he felt Jim’s hands on his waist and his tongue start to slip into his mouth.  
Slowly, as if the shock was starting to wear off, Jamie gently place his hands on Jim's shoulders as he opened his mouth a little wider. All he could think was that he had not felt this alive in a very long time.  
'Jamie!'  
A shout from Charlie just outside the tent, caused them both to jump apart in shock. Both just looked at each other for a moment, trying to register what had just occurred between them. Neither were sure what to say or do, with the silence once again being interrupted by Charlie as he fought his way through the flaps of the tent.  
'Jamie!' said Charlie, trying to sound cheery as he spoke, but the slightly nervous tint to his voice gave his fears away, 'oh and there you are Jim. I say, what have you two been up too-you both look like naughty schoolboys?! Anyway the men are ready,'  
'Ahhh good, Charlie,' stuttered Jamie, still finding words difficult, 'good. Thank you Charlie, I'll be right there,'  
Charlie nodded and smiled as he left the tent and after a moment Jamie went to follow.  
'Jamie, wait!' cried Jim, once again grabbing hold of Jamie's arm, 'I'm sorry!'  
'Jim, please not now,' replied Jamie rather sharply as he pulled his arm away, 'let's just forget it. Let's put it down to nerves,'  
'Oh I see,' said Jim, leaning back against the bed as he looked down at the ground. It was not a revelation to Jim, he had always known. It had been quite a relief once he had realised and come to see that he was not in fact the misfit his father constantly berated him as being. But he was never sure on others' feelings on the matter and despite his feelings for Jamie, he could never be certain whether they were reciprocated. He was as shocked then as Jamie over what had just passed between them, 'believe me, please, that I am just as surprised as you, but also, Jamie, please believe me when I say I love you,'  
Jamie stood there completely frozen to the spot, not sure what to do or say. Of all things he had ever expected Jim to say, the word love was not one of them. But the words did not seem to scary Jamie, in fact as he stood there he found certain thoughts and feelings started to make sense. Why he enjoyed Jim's company, why he always found it hard to say goodbye to him and why the thought of losing him-whether to the war or to another-always filled him with dread. Things that Jamie used to shake from his mind, at that moment suddenly made sense.  
'Jim,' he replied slowly, carefully and quietly, 'I...I...I love you too but...,'  
'But now is not the time,' said Jim, looking up with a smile, 'after the war?'  
'After the war,' returned Jamie, a smile nervously starting to appear on his lips, 'now shall we try and hurry it along?'

*****  
In the long corn and late afternoon sun, Jim climbed into the saddle of Joey. He felt a new sense of life within himself. Not that he had found a sense of peace with the duties expected of him, for he knew he would always hate himself for what he needed to now do. But it was a sense that now he could see a future. A future where war would not be part of little Adelaide's life and a future where Jim knew he could finally be certain that he could have the world that he had always dreamed of.  
'Good luck my friends,'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thank you to everyone who is reading this story. Hope you enjoyed this chapter.
> 
> Some of the dialogue comes from the film and the chapter's title comes from Marian Allen's poem 'The Wind and the Downs'


	6. After the War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 11th November 1920

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lateness of update-has been a strange year. I hope this update makes up for it, even if you may need tissues when reading.
> 
> The song used in this chapter if After the War by Paul Gross and David Keeley.

After the guns are silent  
After your wounds have healed  
After those crosses been planted in all those fields  
After that long boat ride all the way across the sea  
And after this train carries thee

Jim looked at the picture, feeling tears well up in his eyes as he saw the three smiling faces beaming back at him. It did not seem real, how could those three men in that picture have been the same men that had waded through the blood, sweat and mud of the hell that had been France and Belgium? How could Charlie, who had found himself on the wrong end of a grenade on the first day of the Somme, be the same happy go-lucky man, that he had been on that sunny August day? How could Jim, who had seen out the last year of the war, mentally broken in Craiglockhart and could no longer sleep in a comfy bed, be the same man, who had delighted in leading his company to victory on that Bank Holiday? How could Jamie, who had carried Charlie to the safety of the trenches, who had held Jim as his mind had given out be the same man...how could Jamie....  
'Come to bed,' he suddenly heard a warm voice say in his ear, as he felt an arm slide around his waist, 'it's going to be a difficult day tomorrow, you need to rest,'  
'You know I won't sleep in my bed,' replied Jim, trying to force a smile, that resembled the one staring back at him in the picture.  
'Then try to get some sleep on your spot on the floor,' replied the voice with a little laugh before turning serious, it's owner hugging Jim tighter, 'you can take the picture with you and I will stay with you,'

 

After your boots dry and the tobacco is all but gone  
Along with all those post cards you’ve carried under your arm  
After I remember all the words I could not say  
And after this long night fades away

It was a cold morning and the November chill was biting at Jim's fingers tips as he stood with the crowds on the village green. But he tried to focus on that, rather than the words of the vicar or the songs being played by the military band. Frost bite was less painful than having to listen to words and music that brought back the horrors of those long four years. Words that seemed to Jim to ignore the sheer pointlessness of it all and forget that people were already talking about the next war. Out of the corner of Jim's eye, he saw little Adelaide standing there, holding on to her mother's hand as she waved proudly at her uncle. Jim tried to smile back and give a little wave, half wondering if the child would be so happy if she knew her uncle was no hero. That when she was an adult she might have to face the horrors of war, because of the sheer pointless of the one he uncle had just fought in.  
'Its our turn,' Jim heard Charlie say, bringing him out if his thoughts, 'you ready?'  
Jim turned and nodded, trying to meet Charlie's small grin. Charlie was trying, Jim gave him that, trying to reclaim some of his former self, despite his missing leg and the fact that he now needed to rely on his mother or sisters to sometimes push him in a wheel chair.  
'I will walk, mother,' said Charlie, trying to be cheery but there was no hiding the sharpness of his voice, 'please hand me my crutches, Eppy,'  
Jim watched as Eppy and her mother exchange glances, feeling a pity for them as they were now looking after the man, who had always looked after them. It seemed so cruel of God to let Charlie, escape from the Germans, only to lose a leg on the Front but them at least Charlie was still breathing and with a family that could support him.  
'Come,' smiled Jim, helping Charlie to his feet with his free hand, 'let's not keep him waiting,'  
'No,' said Charlie, this time managing to laugh as he struggled on to his crutches and with one hand took hold of wreath Jim held as Jim continued to hold the other.  
Slowly they walked towards the newly unveiled war memorial, occasionally stopping for Charlie to keep his balance. As they did, Jim looked around at the waiting parties and realized that today was the first time in a long while, that he had worn army kaki. He had never thought that once he had had his discharge papers, he would have a need to wear it again, but then God had played a cruel trick on them all.  
They stood infront of the stone monument, and laid their wreath down amid the rest, both of them staring at the same spot amid the names. Where amid the names of his three older brother, they read Jamie's name.  
James Alexander Stewart  
Jim felt a tear start to trickle down his cheek as he fought the temptation of reaching out and touching Jamie's name. This was the cruelest joke of all, God's great joke on his people, that those who survived the war to end all wars, found themselves cold in the ground with Spanish Flu. It has all been so unfair that just at the moment when Jim had thought that him and Jamie would have the life they had spent the war planning, Jamie had been taken from him. The cruelest twist of all, had been that the only one of them to survive the trenches physically and emotionally intact, was the one who ended up dying and breaking Jim's heart.

I will love you after the war  
Love you for always, forever more  
I will love you after the war  
Forever, for always and more

Jim was stood back amongst the crowds now, Charlie at his side, still standing on his crutches. Sometimes it felt lonely, because he could never truly admit to his surviving best friend, how much he loved and missed Jamie. He was not sure how much Charlie knew, but Jim could not risk losing him by telling him that him and Jamie had been more than friends.  
It was Lady Stewart's turn to lay her flowers now and Jim watched her walk up being supported by Eugenie and Guy, her only living son, dressed in his best naval uniform for the occasion. Lady Stewart was a shadow of her former self, she was no longer the glorious example of Empire, but an emotionally broken woman, who had finally snapped at the lose of her third son. Eugenie had told him, she had not stopped crying since Jamie's funeral and today she sobbed into a white handkerchief as she placed her hand on the stone. At that moment, Jim realised how much he pitted the woman, who had blindly danced to the country's tune in 1914. He realised something else too as he saw Eugenie's American fiancé join the group-that they were all still alive in some form.  
From the back of the crowds Jim spotted Patrick smiling back at him, dressed in his Canadian army uniform and he realised then that there was still hope. It might not be with the love of his life and it might be a life led in the capital of the country that Jim at witnessed the horrors of war in but it was still a life!  
'Jim, Jim,' he could hear Jamie gasp and Jim was once again back in Jamie's bedroom, watching the life slip out of him, 'I did as I promised, Jim, I got us all through it, did I not?'  
'Yes you did,' replied Jim, with a weak smile as he took hold and gentle clasped Jamie's clammy hand.  
'Now, Jim,' crooked Jamie, his breath growing short and his body failing as he tried to reach out and stroke Jim's hair, 'go and have that future, which we planned on the eve of Passcendale,'

After this blackbird lifts from up off your chest  
And after your soul takes its final rest  
My love I forgive you, you never planned to die  
And love I’ll place two pennies over your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Written after a conversation between me and my flat on our great-grandfathers experiences in the First World War. Hope you all enjoyed.


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